Wednesday, May 25, 2016


Wow; It has been a big change in my life at all aspects and levels since I begin this blog . Well; I guess part two of my diary book will be more enthusiasm and have unexpected events but common to the previous one with no view of the future.
I mentioned previously that life can never get worse but day after day during the last ten years of my life; Life surprise me of it's bad wrong orientation, and i reach to the point that I am no longer thinking of how bad it is really
( It can always get worse for Iraqis). I am only praying for bad things not to come.
Thinking of my past giving me grief feelings covered with headache and dizziness. It resemble the feeling of looking to the bottom from a height hills while you have to cross to another side.
I am now in the middle of this road, I have to cross it without being able to take backward steps, I have to keep my eyes on my feet but those memories in the bottoms are always distract me and give me fears and worries to keep on.
What an art!! It have been a century since I hold a pen to draw. I am thinking seriously of going back to practice my hobby in drawing since my psychological situation is getting seriously danger and I need something to keep me busy from thinking. I visited all Pharmacist in the neighbor and asked them if they will ever accept me to work with them even without salary but there is no hope as long as there is no working license.
OK Ok Ok stop complaining . Let's talk how a 26 ( sooner be 27) refugee mother spend her day !
My daily life are truly completely being control by one and less than a half years old Daughter.
My lovely Dima is a funny UN average baby. She learned how to walk but she can't crawl !
She is getting so scared from high sound but at the same time when she cry; all the middle east will hear her sound !
She is in Love with eating everything even shoes but at the same time, she don't eat much food !
She is sensitive, caring and loving daughter as long as her father are here with us. Once he leave; both of us ( me and Dima) get a bad ethics. * Don't get close, we might explode into tears* . For me; marriage is the stability in the middle of mess. 
The times I spent married living with my husband are equal  to those we spent far away from each other !
Anyway, thanks God I have my parents near by my side, I reached the point after ISIS attack when I thought that I will never see them again. 
My lovely parent's; God protect and save you... I love you ( I know you are reading this!)
I am also thankful to god for having  Dima. I was born to be a mother. I love this girl more than my heart can hold from love. I need her more than she need me! just think about it. Who will ever think of waiting me at the door when I am in the bathroom except her!? who will ever wake me up if I forgot to adjust the alarm before i go to bed!? who will ever force me to laugh while i am totally depress. 
This girl is a gift from Allah to all of us : me, her father, and my parents.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

The distructive liberation

Every day , we wake to news about the libration of Iraqi lands occupied by ISIS and the heavy fighting between the latter and the iraqi army helped by sectarian shiite militia known as “hashid shaaby” supervised by coaliation forces. Evidently the term “ liberation “ seems to be a glorious victory that brings back peace to the people there, but the reality appears to be different . It is just a massive destruction that turn the cities to uninhabitable scraps .
Since April , 2015 ,Tikrit ( a city located 140 km northwest to Baghdad , 220  km southeast to Mosul) was regaind from islamic state fighters after fierce fighting which forced 28,000 civilians to fled out of the city . Regaining Tikrit gave some hope to the displaced people to return back to their homes , but everyone was shocked by retributive vandalism carried out by shia militia groups who took the control on the city and started to burn , destroy and steal the property of the fleet people. After a year from liberating Tikrit , the people, who fled to kurdistan in the north,  are between the hammer and the anvil for being afraid to return to their homes and bearing the harassement of Kurdistan government who tries to compel them to leave kurdistan by refusing the renewal of their residency permission. Targeting unarmed civilians continued in Al Muqdadyiah ( province of Dyalah ) under the pretention of fighting terrorism. 

The government tried to improve it’s public image in Ramadi (108 km west to Baghdad ) as it relied largely on official iraqi armed forces together with  the armed tribes and the coaliation air strikes while constricting the role of “Hashid” militia which incensed Shiites as they consider it a depreciation to them . Again the government mass media tried to glorify the victory , but Ramadi liberation was synonymous with that of Tikrit. Ramadi now is a wild city with completely destructed infra structures , the government reports estimated that about 80% of the city is completely broken up ,  Besides the sleeper cells that come between any chances to bring peace to the city .

The big challenge now is “ Mosul “ ،The second largest city in Iraq with 2 millions people trapped there under the role of ISIS . As opposed to the tribal society of Ramady and to some degree of Tikrit , cultured society of Mosul make things more complicated in terms of arming the tribes belong to the city which in some way was helpful in Ramadi.

Mosul is considered as the stronghold of ISIS fighters and one of the most important resource for them , As a result they won’t give up easily and they will fight desperately in order to keep the city under their control taking the advantage of the high popular density and using them as human shields . The government seems to temporize taking serious steps in liberation of Mosul as well as it insist on participating “ Hashid “ militia despite the troubles they made in Tikrit and other cities. All the factors mentioned above make the liberation of the city more difficult and more complicated which mean that the city may undergo  more massive destruction and shedding a lot of blood in comparision of other cities.
Iraq in general is walking toward the abyss , the government is helpless and have lost a considerable parts of Iraq and hand them over to the strangers . the politicians are busy in filling their pockets and don’t care about the people outside their castles .
Iraq really needs a miracle to survive this period which is the worst period in it’s history.

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

# Allepo _is _ burning

 unsurprisingly, it is the most trending hashtag on social media at present , all the world appeals for helping blameless people who have no guilt but to be living there, on the land of the bloody war.

No one could believe that the hair-raising scenes shown on TV or the internet are from our real world , the world that call for peace , human rights , and saving people every day. What a wild world we live in today! A world who admit to leave the people at the mercy of bombs and rockets , to close the door in front of any one who want to run for his life , and to enjoy watching them sink in the seas without being affected.

It was  shocking to watch the debris of the  destroyed buildings heaped over injured or even dead victims، blood rivers flow everywhere , and crying children looking for their lost families !

Between the depressing pictures concerning Aleppo crisis which spreaded on the net was that one of the frightened old man , raising his finger toward the sky  with blood and dust covering his face . It really breaks the heart seeing such an old man in such a miserable state . Almost all the facebook pages published his picture to show how hard and disastrous the situation is in Aleppo , but do you know what? The picture was taken in Mosul !! Yes,  It was taken in that day when Mosul university is pounded . Mosul is being destroyed too , every day tens of rockets are thrown on the city but no one knows ! Mosul is as miserable as Aleppo but no one hears about it. I don’t reproach publishers , but I want to send a message that Mosul also needs help , it also lives the same drama of killing , bombing  , and forcible displacement as that of Aleppo.

The problem in Mosul that it lacks the media coverage , the city is isolated from it’s surroundings , No one could go into or get out of it . Besides the daily air strikes that burn the city every day . Most of people now are out of pocket , distitute of their basic needs , helpless , and wonder how to survive next days which appear to be more complicated as the air strikes on the city become more violent every day .

Mosul really needs your urgent help , even by your prayers , it doesn’t deserve all that torture it going through..

We ask God to be merciful on Mosul , Aleppo ,and all the innocent people who just want to live in peace in their home.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

ودمروا كل اشيائي الحبيباتي…

Don't destroy my Memories, Places,Houses, Mosques and university. They Fire a flame in my heart, a flame that can't faint out with days. No words can turn it back nor consol my sadness for this big loss. They destroyed My university/ Mosul university. Air strike targeted ISIS at University of Mosul and Destroyed it. Looking at the negative side: This is the place where i first met my husband and where we fell in love with each other. the place where i learned and studies for five amazing un forgettable years. The place where my success firstly tasted and hurtly left me after flees. With everytime i just remember the video i saw of the boobs hitting my university, i fell in a deepe and deepe depression. with you i will share this graduation photo of me
at my college: Mosul pharmacy college/ University of Mosul/ Iraq

Friday, March 18, 2016

East or West; OUTSIDE Iraq is the best

In a sudden; they left
with toddler hesitated steps, they crawled
their moves were done with silence,
And their destination were to anywhere.

Some readers asked me why i didn't choose another Iraqi city to live in after fleeing my hometown

First of all during the day of all this rubbish happened, the whole thing was not an optional for us. we fled to where the road took us. Duhok was the nearest safe place to us.We were accompanied with our Kurdi neighbor who could sponsor us to get into Duhok city.

Yes, it's true that Duhok is an Iraqi city but yet so far we can't get into it without being checked by eye prints and giving full ID name and picture. This is done for each Arabian Iraqi person trying to enter it's border before the fall of Mosul even happened !

And after the fall of Mosul the things were pretty much harder. without having a sponsor Kurdi inside Duhok, you have no right to enter the city. 
Peoples who didn't have sponsor were left out the border, later were moved into a camps. 

Staying in Duhok was hard and illegally possible.Even with the aid of our sponsor we couldn't get un limited residency time there. 

Fleeing into Baghdad was even worse option. althought I have my grandpa's house there but the house is empty from it's owners. I visited Baghdad in may 2013 for 3 hours only and I left in the same day because it was so danger to stay with all fake checkpoints in Baghdad to filter Sunni's people.I visited Baghdad one other time on February 2014 when I chose to travel by airplane since it is no longer safe road for Sunni Iraqi to get into Baghdad. During this visit I didn't talk a world with the people in the streets because I have pure Moslawi accent that can't be missed. I returned back as soon as I finished my work there.
Moreover Baghdad followed the steps of Kurdistan and didn't allow Moslawies after june 2014 to enter without having a sponsor !!! 

To be more honest:
If you are Sunni Moslawi :
There is no place for you to live in Iraq anymore.

Those who choose to stay; they beard the high rent prices, high cost of living in Kurdistan and the bad treatment in police station to get the security permission to stay in kurdistan for one month. Those people are:
1- Either not having passport or didn't get a visa to go to other place
2- or their children have to finish  their college in Kirkuk or Erbil.

In my case; i was lucky to have visa to Jordan since i have a Jordanian sibling and i was more lucky to have a great high license in Pharmacy but luck didn't help me In Jordan since i am restricted with Jordan's laws that prohibit me from practicing my work, restricted my residency with fees (2$ for person a day) even if i was counted with refugees under UNHCR protection.

At the end; i reach to a conviction that there is no Moslawi comfortable with his situation and we are all chasing our dreams and being chased by ISIS curse.

can anybody help us? PLEASE