Sunday, January 06, 2008

I have never felt more like a teenager ..


First, I am in a very bad mood right now, so if you are looking for joy, don’t waste your time.

Well, College, isn’t it what I was seeking, what I was looking for? Of course yes. And If they return me back to the past and ask me again what college I want to go, I will chose Pharmacy over and over again but I am really tired of studying and dissection frog and returning back home with no power to open my eyes and moving my leg.

I am tired of not having a friend, a real friend. Why having a faithful friends became something impossible in this time? I missed my old friends who recently became perfect.

You know, I have my old classmate “z” who I hang with during the rest time but we are so much different.

For example, I was talking someday about my cousin who is going to the same college as her brother and she said that my cousin is unbelievable and insane for calling my sister by her name in the college!! What’s wrong with that?? What she wanted exactly? Calling her by other’s name or what?

I think people must call people by their name, her cousin for example is also with us in Pharmacy College and when she met him face to face, they just ignore each others and pretend that they don’t know each other’s.

Recently I discover that Mosul community has many negative points as other community .

When we are in the college, I just try to be me and talk naturally and walk naturally which is something so right and suddenly I discover its wrong. I should not walk fast even if that mean miss the lecture, I should not ask the professor questions even if that mean not understanding the lesson, I should not and I should not...

The only one I like in the college is my classmate “m” he is from Baghdad, he is open and he looks like me, began to discover the world recently and he think that talking with girls is right .I found that calling him *my little sister* so much suitable to describe him as person.

My friend “z” was OK intalking with “M” especially he is in our group in organic chemistry lab but before a couple of days she came and she was boiling and she said: If he talks with me just one more time, I will tell him that you are not allowed to talk to me when we are out of the lab.

The wrong is not with moslawi people as much it’s wrong with their fears about what other people think of them.

Leave “m” and “z” aside and talk about my fool behavior.

1- I make a fool of my self when I scream in the middle of physiology lab after the frog jump from my hand while I was trying to pithing it. The whole students looked at me and laughed* I was so close to cry that moment*

2- I made a mistake when I told the professor that there is a student who is not wearing the dressing for lab after he asked who did’t.

3- I make a joke of myself when I said my opinion about what are human’s right in peace, when I began my talking with coughing.

4- I make myself the most unwell come friend when I answer the questions ,the professor of physiology was asking, as the result, he like me, thinks that I am good in English pronunciation and he ask me my name. But in the other hand, most of the students began hating me.

5- I discover that I led myself to one of the colleges where geniuses are assembling to compete with each other’s. And I am now, feel so much fool and stupid.

I am so much not like myself today, so much UN friend with it, really not satisfied because I did’t study hard and not doing anything important for several of days.

I am feeling helpless.

Pray for me, please