Thursday, April 20, 2017

What life looks like as a refugee

It is almost three years away from home , almost 1000 days passed and I’m waiting for a guardian angel to wake me up from my dismal nightmare and tell me that it’s over ! 
I’m waiting for a liberator to extricate me from this exile. To make me free; free from hurts, free from pain of "loss "and the pain of " lost"
I’m waiting for that day when I’ll live a normal life, have normal and bearable worries just like other people in the world. I don’t know for how long we have to pay the tax of being born in the land of war,Iraq. How long this will be considered as a stigma that make every country put us on their black lists.
From 2003 ,every day I was having the hope that tomorrow will be better, and I’m still waiting for that tomorrow to come, it must come soon as I’m tired ticking the calendar! I had a narrow escape from Mosul three years ago to find myself here ,in Jordan, as a refugee leaving almost everything behind me to chase it again ; the better tomorrow.

Living as a refugee looks like as your ship has drowned and you clutch to shipwreck to survive and waiting for somebody or something to help you, but you don’t know when it will comes ! It is really a life with endless uphill journey. You have to keep holding hope inside that you will be picked up (saved) in the time you are actually half wet ( dead !)

If I would describe my life as a refugee, I would rather choose “life of prohibition” as it’s title. It resembles a big jail that you put yourself in for no guilt but losing your homeland. It makes you feel that you came from another planet with extra powers that can make you bear this tough life with no rights.I really take pity on myself  when I walk down the streets watching all these busy people working, driving, and see the dissatisfaction on their face, I sometimes want to stop one of them and tell him that he must show appreciation for his life as it is so merciful to him that it doesn’t make him a refugee who would be punished if he works or drives!

This life taught me to accept it’s unfairness with patience, it has the ability to do you out of power and be submissive with no objections and all you can do is to wait! It taught me that when it wants to punish you, it makes you waiting for the unknown, and you keep counting the days with that bipolar feeling of time passing slowly and quickly at the same time. Waiting is the hardest lesson that the refugee learn and the only thing that you have the right to do.
I am astonished by the fact that I could cope this period of my life with all that complications I forced to pass through from the day I fled Mosul to the moment. I realized that we are experiencing “ struggling for existence” literally.


2 comments:

Sabine said...

You are brave and strong. I know it doesn't help you when I write this. But I want to thank you that you do write. We need to read what you have to tell us.

I also feel very much ashamed for being helpless.

Hadia ( pseudoname) said...

than you Sabine; don't be ashamed. I am helpless as well.
the only people who could help are those who really don't care to help!