HNK's blog is a diary of IraqiGirl

This website was never mere a blog to me !

2011-12-04T18:27:00.002+03:00

May I say that I miss blogging, I miss being Hadia behind the keyboard, writing on her ideas, fears and thoughts... I miss having the courage to admit my poorness ! and having the faith that I can solve it all .

This life steal years from us, I grow up so fast and yes it seems that my adult's problems and stress are bigger * I confess dear childhood*.
Recently, I feel that maybe what I see is not what is going on, Everything seems fake and everyone look different.The college look different, My friends look different, I look different myself " I loose 2 kilos :) "
NO,SERIOUSLY: our yard battle "our life" seems different !

previously in my posts history I wrote a phrase that was written in the cover of my book
" I feel that I have been sleeping all my life and I have woken up and opened my eyes to the words. A beautiful world but impossible to live in "
These are the words of fifteen years old Hadiya

But the words of twenty two years old Hadiya :
" I feel that I have been dupe in my life, and I have woken up and opened my eyes to see the truth and my mind choose to close and will still choose to close as much as this worlds is not a the beautiful world and as much as I want to make it possible to be lived in !"

I need a whole new blog site to write all what I am feeling and living through.
I don't know, but I feel that this life is giving me lessons lately, too much home works and hard exams I may not be able to pass !

I also don't know why I am not able to speak clearly, and why I hide the story beyond this phrases and why knowing that my fiance or someone I know may read this words make me unable to write!

Frankly speaking,I loose my writing habit after my engagement. Obviously this prince stole more that my heart !!! :) BUT,May I ask : why he is not writing?

I miss writing, I miss it soooo much, but I miss my fiance too :(
why I change the subject ? I always change the subject, I can't focus! more than ten ideas visit my head every minute *And you still ask why I have a traffic jam ??

right now I feel that:
I need to write!
I shall and I must and I will probably well ... this website was never mere a blog to me !

helllo faithful reader !!

2011-08-23T01:48:00.002+03:00

I am not a perfect person, and yes I don't have the perfect life but as I have my family next beside me and my fiancé near by, I am grateful and feeling happy and really think that this is the perfect life !

Alhamdulillah

فالحمد لله موصولا كما وجبا ....
فهو برداءة العزة أحتجبا
الباطن الظاهر الحق الذي عجزت ...
عنه المدارك لما أمعنت طلبا

I passed the 4th stage in collage with high marks and I only have one year left to be a pharmacist :)

Alhamdulillah

We traveled to turkey before a month and we spent a very pleasant time there for 14 days…. And now we are in this beautiful month of the year " Ramadan" and I am busy in doing nothing ! " another excuse of not writing, ha?"

Right now, I feel that I lost my writing ability !! probably due to not posting for looong time, which make me feel that I am not doing my best and so I am not satisfied about myself lately especially when I compare myself to the last few years!!

OK, I needed a rest and I am in holiday and I deserve this (maybe !!)

2011-04-22T23:26:00.008+03:00

Now:

It’s 11:30 pm,

It’s raining heavily outside, although we are in summer!!!!

And I didn’t do my exam yesterday, although I did have one!!!

And I am not feeling comfort, although I slept for 10 hours!!

Things not only goes unexpectedly but unrealistically as well

Toxicology is the subject that I hate most in this course of my studying and I had Toxicology exam yesterday which mean that yesterday was bloody and drastic day in my mental life, In the other hand: I did feel that I must do it with pleasure that if i want to live with peace the day after since I will be done from it..

Unfortunately, at 6:45 AM my friend waked me from my nightmare to another nightmare when she said that “there is a curfew”

There is a curfew = there is no exam today = I have to prepare for this exam once again = more nightmares = more miserable = and more bad thoughts that I can’t no longer handle!!

:((

There was a curfew yesterday, and there is a curfew today and there may be a curfew tomorrow and what else’s??? Do they want us to stop living? Wasn’t the 8 years of NOT living enough for them!!

when will this end! When will this soul have peace?

I am tired of being Iraqi

2011-02-27T20:50:00.001+03:00

Sometimes, everything goes as a race and you are in the middle of these have to focus on one thing (EXAM!!!)

Am I the only one who think that revolution in Tunisia and Egypt are really more interest than Toxicology!! I am sure I am not.

Yes, I had the interest in watching news!!

Weird to have that feeling after all that years of stop!! You can say that what happened in Egypt revive some feeling inside me. The revolution nationally inspired me and a ray of hope was seen in my eyes…. BUT unfortunately no longer!!!

The revolution in Iraq which took place on Friday killed all the laughter, and the hope faint away so far!!

May I not watch news anymore, please!!!

Just to say Hi..

2010-12-10T23:07:00.004+03:00

She is always tired, Always busy and always taking exams….

Yes, she is always complaining, always crying and always not satisfied!

She is always fighting and always dreaming and always feels the need to write!!!
Unfortunately, this she is always me!

I finished my midcourse examinations before a couple of days and that explains my hyperactivity in refreshing this blog and may explain this few hallucination’s lines!!

I am totally occupied by this fantastic pharmacy college I am attending. Sometimes I reach the point of being unable to decide which thing gave me more worries, the war or the pharmacy college?

But since my study in this college will take 5 years of my life and the war seems to leave me with none, I can tell that my life is of war limiting steps!!

After all, being engage to one of my collegue makes college a more welcome place to go.

I am giving my best in studying and I pray to have marks that suite my ambitious spirit this year inshallah.

Just talking..!!

2010-08-20T15:23:00.003+03:00

Ooops, another dozen of weeks without writing!
I know this (the absence from blog) became one of my habit but let's look to the bright side of this case;

* I am writing here since 2004 (I am 6 years old blogger!!).
For this occasion; I need a promotion!! Otherwise my faithfulness to the blogosphere will lose its continuation!!

* my evolution through this 6 years from a teenager girl who carry the world problems on her shoulder to mature girl who consider listening to the news " OUT OF MIND " behavior !!

Well, my absence is related to many causes, one of them is that after taking such a big decision in my life (the engagement decision) I decided to go along with my laziness and enjoy my decision result!!!

The other cause is related to being busy with my summer training in hospital.
I did extra days training not because of my will, and not because I am enjoying the illness smell, the sorrowful faces of leukemic children and not even because I am gaining worthy information (because I don't)..... It's all because:

when Allah gave the humanity kindness in their acts, one of the later refuse this gift!!
Thanks Dr. XXXX for making my world unhappier and unbeautiful place.
And if we were not in this holly month "Ramadan" I was going to go along talking about this, but now I will swallow my anger, hatred and Aversion and change the subject!!

Well, dear brain,
sorry for my nine hundred ninety nine thoughts that have been visiting you these days!!

Dear reader,
relax, I won't write about the 999 thoughts :)

Dear stomach,
be patient, it only 4 hours left till the iftar

Dear CNV,
find me a plan to finish my work's schedual for this month.

Dear heart,
be patient, live life and have Faith...

♥♥ engaged !!! ♥♥

2010-07-22T22:10:00.001+03:00

I didn’t know if he was my dream or I was his... but now I have faith that, we are each others destiney.

I surprised myself this month in doing this big decision in my life especially after a year that was from the hardest years I've lived ..

I, the one who have a hesitated personality, the one who spends hours thinking when I want to choose things as simple as shoes!!l! I found myself able to give an answer to his question with no hesitation but maybe with just small fears.

After each time I talk to him, I become more confident to walk in this road till the end. He is my power supplier and the one who is pushing me forward.There is a sense inside me that keeps telling me that I found him, but well, in fact, he found me first

The power of true love can make miracles, and the true love is an apportunity I was given...

So, I said yes:

I am ready to spend my lifetime with you ♥

I said yes,

For you to be my hero ♥

I said yes,

I will wear this ring forever ♥

And I said yes,

Here is my heart, you can take it and SAFELY keep it ♥♥♥

happily ever after !!

2010-07-04T18:55:00.004+03:00

I always loved frogs.

During my early childhood, It was my habit to kill frogs in our garden using my shoes, I know it was not fun,but it was my way to reflect my evilish childhood personallity *I guess* by treading frogs one after the other

Anyway,
Many years later, and after I entered the pharmacy college, I learned that frog are animal being and it's the best creature we can use in physiology lab. to experience sience.
I cut out their head by scissors, and I even dissected their body, I saw their smallest anatomical parts, and I became familiar with their smell and the touch of their skin!!!

What is the interest of frogs??

Today, a microscopic frog creeped it's way into our house.

-ثم ماذا ؟؟

Sometimes, you wished that fairy tales are real stories. you wished that by kissing this frog, you'll live the happily ever after !!

Sometimes, things goes unexpectedly to be more complicated, it's not that complicated that it can't be solved, but it's complicated enough to envy the heroic princess from story for being given the easier way to get her prince and to live the happily ever after.

well, today was one of these times .

________________________________
10th of July
Happy birthday to You

I am back ..

2010-06-29T23:17:00.000+03:00

Finally and after a very hard studying year, I finished my exams!!

Yes, I finish my third stage in Pharmacy College.

Yes, I won't live the nightmare of having block memory information during the exam anymore! * At least for the next 3 months*

Yes, I won't lie on the floor, begging Allah for miracle to end this day and I am entirely intact!

Yes, I will sleep as much as I want without paying attention to my stupid, annoying, and creepy clock alarm!

Yes, I will watch the TV, and I will go for shopping and I will enjoy my holiday as much as I could.

Yes, I will write here more often, and yes….

-Yes what??

Yes, I PASSED THE EXAMS

Congrats, congrats, many congrats to me!!!

P.S: I don't have any inspiration to write a post. I am little tired right now, so I just write this little few words to keep my promise in writing post soooooon.

It's the third of june and I am 21 ^__^

2010-06-03T23:58:00.000+03:00

Hello followers,

*I had a pharmacology exam in the day of my birthday, and I did extremely bad in it!!!
Except that,I had nice day with the family and I received nice and precious watch from my parents beside many speciall gifts from my dearest friends.

* I receive nearly 28 SMS greeting messages and many call from friends and relatives. I appreciate that they remember me inspite of the examinations panic.

But in the other hand:

I think no matter how much you mean to other, they might still forget your birthday and disappoint your expectations !!!!!

*I will have pharmaceutical examination next monday, and inspite the fact that I will finish this horrble exam days, but This make me more closer from being alone whith no sister and that's exactly what I meant in last post in not being ready for holiday ( I am not ready to say good bye to my sister).

P.S: thanks in advance for any greetings I will get from my blog followers.

Think randomly, talk randomly

2010-05-25T23:49:00.000+03:00

Hello readers,I was absence for two month !! well during this:

I took my Mid-Course examination and I did well in most of them.
the less mark I got was in Pharmaceutical (56/100), which is a subject I like, and I don't really think that I have a problem with it, but it seems that it has one with me, I always get low mark in this subject !! Never know where the defect is!!

Well, to be more precise; I became an aunt just a day before my exam.
It's a girl, and we named her "Marwa" and she is so pretty.

My sister and her children came and stayed in our house for 2 week since my brother in law was in India. They were a big source of noisiness, but in the other hand, they made the days of exams less depress for me.

I love my nieces and nephews so much, and it's the aunt's nature to show her love, but the problem I faced with that is my nephew "Ayman" 4 years old.
He went to my mother and said: “when I'll grow up, will you let me marry aunt Hadia??"

That's funny; I never thought in his age, one will do plans for future, especially that kind of plans!
I really didn't know how to deal with him after that, his mother tried to explain the issue to him and how wrong is it to marry me. she was more likely following up my behavior and telling me not to be kind with him, not hugging him, and not play with his feeling, !!! Ok, Ok

that was so easy after my parents left to Amman for 10 days and my sister and her followers (children) stayed with us.

At that time, I was not taking exams and I felt responsible of this house and so I was more like recording machine, yielding at the children all the time (DONT DO THAT!!)
Well, they are not natural children, they are hyperactive monsters.
I cought Anas once attacking Marwa while she was asleep, You should never trust child's innocence.
I make use of my sister residence with us . She helps me in studying pharmacology; she was really doing great in taking care of us and cooking (a horrible food) for us. And she was really more like a super woman. But Ayman was still consist on his opinion that mothers can't be a super hero بطله خارقه because they are mothers( the exact same reason that make me more convince of her being a super woman).

Now I am preparing for Exams: D *As usual*, it’s my final examinations,they will start on the third of June and ended on 21th. I need more than hard studying, need more than luck, need more than prayers.... I need Allah.

I am passing through a difficult circumstances in this critical time. As usual, all the difficulties come as additive to the exams. I really should have adaptation to this !!

I am eager to finish my third year in college, but in the other hand, I am not ready for the holiday.

well it’s complicated ;)

My sister is going to get marry and we are leaving for turkey for few weeks and there might be a life decision to make, I'll talk about that later. ….. Well it’s all about time

UP_date: Rambling all around.

2010-03-01T13:28:00.001+03:00

Rambling about the situation

The situation in Mosul is fantastic!! Indescribable in every single way.

The Christian students stopped attending their college a week ago. I don’t know which mechanism vanish them all that rapid!! Oh, yes I remember; it’s called killing and shedding blood mechanism!. Sometimes, in order to survive, you have to leave and so they left! As hard as it sound and as simple as this.

I sent my friend (Christian friend) a message to ask about how she is doing, she only asked me to pray for them. She didn’t told me where she is now, she didn’t tell anybody either but I guess she is somewhere in the north of Iraq (where situation is calmer there).

In my college, we have many students from other Iraqi cities, those probably live in student dominate and those as well stopped attending the college yesterday because the mangers of this house asked them to leave before the election that will be in the 8th of this month.

Me and other collegue didn’t go to college as well (kind of support) beside; the situation is not supporting us to do this either! :D

I am above 18 old *Old news!* and so I will have to particibate in this election *confusing news*

Simply: in this right moment, I am totally ignorant of what is the name ofIraqi president! And what hia assistants' names! I am totally ignorant in everything about politics and every thing that is going far from my eyes. I simply don’t have interest to know, no ability to bear another shock and to hear another news. I closed my ears and my eyes from knowing any news a long time ago. I only know that my country’s name is Iraq and we are ALL iraqi. But هذه البلاد لم تعد كبلادي !!

Rambling about my hoppy of drawing:

Drawing is a major solution for me to relax after a hard day. I draw using oil colour or using the ordinary pencil. my psychotic condition really get better after a period of doing this.
This year I will participate in a kind of competition. I am not looking to win as much as I love to be apart of this. I know I won't win ; I am not that good in drawing, beside, my drawing is naive !! I didn't have any drawing lessons ever. My drawing result from willing and not from skills.
But, I am really looking for the day when I will win in such competition. maybe next year inshallah.

Rambiling about my result in Exams

I always find my way to trouble no one but myself, working and giving my best and then when things don’t work out; I blame myself, hate myself and punish myself.

I gave my 100% in studying, and yes I passed *expected* but not like a hero! The thing that puzzles me is that I really think that I am an intelligent, I don’t know if it is the exam circumstances that freak me out or there is a problem on my mental thinking !!

I feel sorry for myself about that, But I can't help it. and No body else can !

Just talking..

2010-02-04T14:38:00.000+03:00

I don't know from where to start but I have been reading "the secret" so I will make a big jump over many things that happened (things that are a big source of negative thinking) .

I finally finished my 5th course in pharmacy college, I am now in the middle of the road, having only 5 courses left and being a real pharmacist *I hope*.

This course was so hard for me. I was really feeling unstable emotionally, psychology, and scholastically.*if there is such a word!?!??!!*.
I missed my cousin engagement party, many weddings and many happy events because I was studying for exam!! Well, I am doing exams more than doing anything else!!!.

Today, I found out that my Arabic tongue is getting worse!! Mom suggested it's due to studying in English, while my sister commented that I am not talking and I am not making a use of my Arabic!! Both not make a sense for me.

You can explain my absence from blog to being busy with school, but I even stopped writing in my diary!! I think there are many things that writing about them will not help you, and it's better to forget them and goes on like nothing had happened!! I know you are not understanding what I am talking about but neither do I *huhhh*

I did a Seminar in my class, in front of 100 of my collogues, and the Prof said to me "you was very very very good" ^__^ I was so scared and so eager in the same times. I was thinking of not wearing my contact lences in order to alleviate my stress threshold, but I did. And I didn't see anything anyway!!! *LOL*

I am the only student who did a seminar and who was not from the top 10 in the class, and that's make me feel proud of myself especially that I was better than few of them. * At least, that what I have been told!!* And will love to believe this :)

Best regards
Hadia

Electricity dependent studying...

2009-12-01T21:18:00.000+03:00

Well, that’s the way it is.No electricity mean no fine studying, no fine studying = no high marks, and no high marks = good bye my future.

Isn’t it bad to find your life controlled by electricity!!

I really feel guilty if I will not study when the electricity turn on after along day of studying, ended with studying at the light of chargable beam!! How could I leave this opportunity when I have a big chance of studying in normal light!!

That’s torture me, because It turned on when I was managing to go to bed, and I stand up not knowing what to do!! Probably such a chance ended with turning the light and go to bed!! Maybe my dream that night will be clearer than ever and shiny like it was never be!!

It’s not restricted by studying alone; it’s controlled our abnormal life.

when we are planning to go outside door and it turn on, mom often change her mind and decided not to go, she would probably prefer to do house works that need electricity!! She sometimes called the work’s place and takes the day off!!

So, they are: Times and energy who are my big enemies during my examinations.

I found my self in compete with one; against one of them. Which is something driving me crazy. Go to bed at 11 PM, and adjusted many alarms to wake me up, 30 minute between each, leaving the light on so when I awake, I can see if the electricity was on; so I’ll prepare myself for another hard studying, and if it was not, I’ll go to my warm bed AGAIN!!

It’s really pathetic. Having electricity will solve many of Iraqi’s problems!! And we really have many.

P.s: Eid mubarak to all muslims all around the world and to all iraqi, a special wishes for better future and better tomorrow.

You are a drug designer

2009-11-11T00:48:00.000+03:00

You are a drug designer..

NO, Not you!! I am not talking to you!!! BUT I am writing to you ^__^ and that’s certainly mean something
.
In all articles I wrote, there is special substance in common which is me *Thank you very much*

Well, I have spent my last summer holiday reading books talking about finding happiness and being the happiest and being confidence and blah blah blah.
Well, I wrote such stupid words on my copybook which says: You are happy, you are special, you are clever_ just trying to cheer me up since I am not enjoying studying pharmacy as I thought… well, I wasn’t cheered up when my friends read it !! Anyway it’s not only me who is trying to cheer me up, and it’s not only me who need to be cheered up * Well All drug designer need *

“You are a drug designer “she (Dr. Nehad) said this word in each times she entered the class, and with each time she went out..

Pharmacy students = drug designer!! * Really nice*

I have been dreaming of being a house designer, a clothes designer, an artist. But I have never thought that in becoming a pharmacist I will be a drug designer!!

And that’s make this science somehow a kind of art! And I am definitely loving art, and that’s lead us to the point that I love pharmacy and I will certainly love being a drug designer ^__^

I don’t know why this wasn’t a passing phrase …. It was a cheering up phrase maybe.
Umm, Midcourse examination will started next Sunday *__* and I am so afraid and really freaked out, but unable to decide in which mood I am.

I am spending an hour each day talking to my clothes’ store,
in which I posted a few sheets where I wrote headlines about (Antibiotic) in my own designing way. Really hard pharmacology examination I’ll have next week with almost all antibiotic groups beside many other subjects. I have a difficulty on memorizing and differentiating between them *__*.

I really don’t like moaning publicly but I am really under big stress now.

As I said before, my sister has been engaged to a special man as she is. Nice to have another brother in law, and nice to see my sister happy with someone. But it’s really not nice to have someone compete with me on my sister. I can’t ignore that I have some kind of jalousie feeling from him in their first week of engagement. I was talking to her about all things happening to me during the day, telling her my entire little secret. But now, there is something change, she is always busy, not listening with desired, not understood me like before. But that’s ok since she is happy and I am happy and we all living together in this happy Iraq * not funny!! I know ^__^*

Now, I really have to spend an hour in imagination by looking to my store clothes, and start a real step on designing drug!

See you…

Just to say hi and talk to you later

2009-10-15T21:39:00.000+03:00

seems like I haven't wrote anything here since the school began... well, Network curfew!!! ^__^ *kidding*

I have been so busy last three week with school, my sister engagement party, and my other sister vist to us and all of that keep me out of reach.

umm, Third stage in Pharmacy college seems bretty much better than the second stage with it's more interesting subjects and better teachers. But I still have that problem with a douzen of unread lectures waiting to be studied.... I 'll talk about this later

My sister's party was a great waster of time, we spent weeks preparing for it... And It was worth working... umm, I'll talk about this later.

so see you later, Because it's time for electricity to turn off..
And untill later, Stay safe dear reader..

Back to college !!! (27/9)

2009-09-25T00:01:00.000+03:00

Ramadan ended with forgiveness, Eid ended with happiness and holiday ended with….

__ Wait!! What did I write?

__ I wrote: holiday ended…

__ End? That soon!!

Please wait, I need more break. I don’t want to go back to my school

Ok, there is only three ways:

1- A war to take place in your own country,

And this is not possible, since my own Iraq is already living in war.

2- Election to delay the school for a week,

And this is hard since it need a person with high position in the government to bring forward the date of the election. And I (Hadia) hate politics and all people work on it, and I am not going to knock such door !

3- A falsified kidnapping.

AM I JOKING???

I didn’t go outside house from about 20 days . Plus, that will not stop the school, there will be a school but there will not be Hadia in the school !!

School is always waiting in the corner, whether I want to admit this or not.

So, doctrorst and professors

Please, broaden the road …

I am coming

Just talking...

2009-09-18T15:51:00.000+03:00

Just Talking.....

Yesterday, my sister came from Baghdad to spend Eid al Futor in Mosul . Of course she came with her nice kids:

Aya, is like a princess who shows polite and ladies behaviors most of the time. she consider me as her best aunt *I guess* but that's not mean she loves me as a person and accept my thought!!

I can’t be 100% myself when I am with her, she always talks like someone older than her age, mocks my words and thoughts, pretending that she is not caring of my opinions and I am only that insect that is good in nothing but telling stories !!!!

I still remember that day when I gave her my bear and told her that she is his mother today, and he will sleep with her in the bed and she must feed him well and take good care of him. She gazed me and said with contempt “It’s a toy, he is not human”!!

In some cases when she shows respect and not makes me feel humiliated and not says anything, her eyes WILL instead...

She refused to eat date when I asked her because she knows its taste!! I know the taste of absolutely everything but I am still eating!!

Anyway, she is different from that kid (Ayman) with his cartoony personality, soft voice, and broken words!! And different from the little Anas with his shy and curious looks…

I spend hour’s yesterday watching extremely silly cartoon, with ugly girl called (Rayhana). You really missed it; I can’t be fair in the valuation of this shows.

Aya did her best in explaining this shows, she told me “Rayhana is a mother but she don’t have children “ *sound interesting!!!!!!, but it doesnt make any sense* ^_^

She continued: “And, Jojo is her husband”

*Thanks God she didn’t said: "but they are not married!! ^__^*.

It was really rich hours that made me more confidence in who I am in compare with Aya.

Today, it’s really busy day with all house works; preparing our house for the big attack that will took place in the first day of Eid, since all of my uncles and their sons and their grandchildren are going to spend the day in our lovely house.

Anyway, Eid mean that Ramadan will be over.Ramadan month really goes fast!! I was thinking of writing a post about my day in Ramadan… butI was ummm... BUSY!!

The eyes of the coward, not slept

2009-09-16T15:21:00.000+03:00

Muntather Al zaidi was released.

I don’t know how to translate my feeling about his act and about him in words but I felt that I should write about this,so I’ll just share this few poems of Ahmad Mutar (Iraqi poet):

حينما أقتدت أسيرا
قفزت دمعة
ضاحكة:
ها قد تحررتُ أخيراً

When I was led as a prisoner

A tear had fall

a Laughing tear:

“ Finally, I was freed”

وتمشيت برغم الموت أشدو
على أشلائي
(لا نامت أعينُ الجبناء)
لا نامــــــــــت أعيُنُ الجبناءِ

Mabrook Muntather......
I am feelimg so speechless....better to end this post

Awch

2009-09-10T00:15:00.000+03:00

Al Salam_alykum,

I have no destination in this post but my inner mind order me to write a new post and I am following whatever he said since I am not putting myself in bad shoes.

Before a couple of days, my mother took me to a little shop near her college in order to buy me clothes for Eid. Well I was walking so confidently in that serpentine street, taking two steps after another, and following my mom who was walking fast as always.

In the middle of this race, I felt the gross surface of the street leaving light touch in my face. The inner mind commented that we fell on the ground, and we (me and the inner mind) have to stand-up as fast as we can without making a joke of ourselves!!

Well, It’s his choice and I am not going to follow this (creepy thinking) so I left him with his orders alone and shouted to my mom who was away from me, she was going to enter the shop when I stopped her “ mom I fell, please wait me” I didn’t stand on my feet till she came and helped me. I felt pain in my right leg but never mind, let’s go shopping

Well, I got a new Jacket if that interest you !! but it was a really bad day. Ofcourse the pain left its effect on this weak body who didn't stop said "Awch" everey few hours. well, It was really geat falling; It left a blue sign in my knee.

In this lucky day, I went to the dentist and he asked me to wear the braces over again.

OH, can’t these teeth live in peace!! should they share me that too !! I wore the braces three years and I never get my teeth straight.

The problem is when I took a picture, I got a three dimensional one!

my face seems to be oriented in a different side from my teeth. And this Brace is so cool in torturing human being by putting our teeth restricted in its own home (mouth!!)

It’s hurting me so much!! I can’t eat many kinds of food. I hardly gained 4 pounds last two month and I don’t want to lose it… I want to make this triangular face more rounded. And I am not yet an artist !!

Stay safe, and eat well

Naseem Al_ Ma7aba

2009-08-31T12:45:00.000+03:00

وجهٌ كسيرٌ وابتساماتٌ

كضوء الصُبحِ بَعثَرَها السأم..

حُلمٌ حَزينٌ بينَ أطلالِ النهايةِ

في ذبولٍ ...يبتسم..!!

عمرٌ على الطرقاتِ كالطفلِ اللقيطِ

يسألُ الأيامَ عن أبٍ .. وأُم

هذا هو حالُ الوطن... لـــ فاروق جويدة

We ( Arab) in general are good with words, we always said "we will " but never do...

So as an iraqi girl ( arabian girl as well ) I want to say as I said manytimes before :
I have to do something, I have to change the situation, I have to kill the bad feeling that emerges with each bad news, with each bombs and with each hope scrach.

A group of youth Iraqi Moslawi people dispose this arabian habit, they are the group of (Naseem al-mahaba نسيم المحبة). they arranged many visits to Mosul's hospitals, Orphanges, old age hospital and gave a big help for better.

I wanted to take a real step and so I joined them in their visit to the orphange this month.
I was really confuse about this visit, because I haven't been in such place before.

Before the visiting day, I prepared the gifts for the orphans, and a kind of sweet, I bought a lunch meal and my mother gave me an amount of mony as a help to be given to the orphange's master.

As a first sight, the orphange looked better than I was expected. It was Neat and well arranged.
the orphans girls were so shy in the begining.
We spent the time there by talking with the girls, playing with them and share them the lunch.
I think we both spent a pleasure and rich moments.

the girls show us their rooms, the rooms are small (somehow) consist of 4 beds and Clothes closet, but it had well looking.

there was a moment that affect on me stongly, it was when a girl sing a poem that said in one of it's chapters:

وأعني في دروسي وأداء الواجباتي
وأحفظ أمي وأبي وكل أصدقائي

which include a prayer to Allah for giving health and strong to her parents !!

_______________________________________

Iraq, Our orphan country !! why I see you in each of this girl's eyes.
Why I see you as one of them !!

They are with no parents, with no one to hug each times they cry, with no one protect them and call him a father and with no one to be produce as their mother!!

And you are my sweety country with no real president protect you with each offensive cost you hundreds of bodies and citizen's blood ( with no protection!). You are with no (one) to be produce as your hustler, and no (thing) as your future !! ....you are a real orphan.

And I am a citizen's orphan with no ( Country ) to be produce as my home, since home mean a place that give you peace and comfort and I am not feeling comfort !!! and

ِI AM NOT LIVING IN PEACE

Ramadan kareem..

2009-08-27T13:07:00.000+03:00

What is Ramadan? By: wikipedia

Ramadan is the name of the ninth month of the Islamic calender.

What make this month a holly month?
Ramadhan was the month in which the first verses of the Qura'an were revealed to the prophet Mohammed (صلى الله عليه وسلم)

Why this month is special?
In this month, We ( Muslims) fast from from dawn until dusk. In Mosul/Iraq this mean fasting from about 4 Am till about 7 pm.

What is fasting?
It means that Muslims refrain from eating, drinking, smoking, and indulging in anything that is in excess or ill-natured.

Why we fast?
Fasting is meant to teach the Muslim patience, modesty and spirituality. Ramaḍān is a time to fast for the sake of Allah, and to offer more prayer than usual. During Ramaḍān, Muslims ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. As compared to solar calendar, the dates of Ramadan vary, moving forward about ten days each year.

What Ramadan make us feel?
Whem Muslims fast from eating throught this 14 hours, they feel in poor people who are suffering from hunger and this give them the mercy forward those poor people.

And for Iraqi people..
Ramadan is the only month, I enjoy peace during the year. not the general peace but the inner peace.

2009-08-22T15:49:00.000+03:00

رمضان مبارك, رمضان كريم
أهلا رمضان...

Ramadan kareem for all, and may this Ramadan be the light of peace upon this country.

For many reason,I found myself not good with words and unable to write a post about what is happening here in Mosul and in Baghdad.

At the time I should write about what's happening,I feel more lost, blind,so helpless. And unable to take a look to the news..

I am just trying to keep on going....!!!
My sister always remind me that this is only a passing thing !!
well, I am not sure about what we are going throught will get us to a better place,better times and better faith !!

Phobia

2009-08-05T14:24:00.000+03:00

Iraqi's phobias

Many examples I watched in the people around me, people who have phobia from Bullets, explusions and bomb cars, People having phobia from Iraq for a major extent.

Welcome, to the country of fears:

*Two women walking around (me and my mother) accompanied with a man (my uncle in law) who is carrying a little box, they passed thought one of the National Guard (حرس وطني).

The Guard: where are you going to localize this bomb??

My uncle:”Some where nears your place (slightly smiling)!!”My uncle put a little boxes one after another on the ground where I was standing near. I and my mother were looking for a taxi to take us to our house.

The Guard didn’t stop repeating his words “How terrible; me, the hajia حجية (he meant my mother) and this girl are all going to smash out…., “

“Putting a bomb in this place will kill us all”, “surely; we are going to die, and no one will survive”

I don’t think he was a humorous nor was afraid but he was REALLY annoying me. But After a long thinking, I guess he passed through this experience before, otherwise he wasn’t going to be that sure of our possible death!! ^__*

*Frog phobia may work for suspected person:

Entering the college from the main gate will cost you 90 seconds by women standing in the middle of the entrance who is working as check point, looking into your bag and searching for cell phone or grenade you hide inside!!

In the first stage in our college, we had to bring some live frog for dissection purpose (^__^ Humanitarian purposes, ha??), my friend who had put her frog and cell phone in a container stopped in this check point, the women asked her what she had put inside the container, my friends replied with confidence “nothing, it’s just a live frog for the lab, do you want to have a look “, the women cried : go away and give the turn to the next.

Note: check point is looking for cell phone with cameras which are not allowed to be carried inside the college for unreasonable causes.

But why the shell and grenade are not allowed? I still can’t find out, but I don’t bring them with me anyway ^__* let's hope this have a reasonable causes!!.

*Bullets and Explosion phobia: (Ballistophobia)

Since the car bomb exploded near her sisters and left an injury on them, my friend (N) has a phobia and whenever any explosion takes place, she becomes pale and asks for a seat!!

How lucky, she has many couches and chairs in her house so she can enjoy her summer holiday setting for along long times each day!! ^__^

_Do you know that Iraqi people’s minds always translate any loud sound as it was a sound of expulsion?

You can identify Iraqi people who will lower their head and may but their hand around whenever loud sound is heard.

Once I was out of Iraq _a balloon punctured and made a sound which freaked me out so a man in the shop brought me a glass of water.

* 8 glass of water is the daily need for normal person, 10 glass of water for iraqi people!!! Just kidding *

I always feel a little freaky when I see boxes in the middle of the street!, and When I see a man with a long beard and short (dishdasha دشداشة)!!! On the other hand, I am the kind who like beard for elder men!! Its strange how life put you in a position that you can’t know what is your view of issues!!

Some people have fears from driving a car in Mosul's streets, from being near one of the government building, from participate in the elections, from taking a taxi, from visiting Shiea's neighborhood, from being rich!and there are some kinds who have fears from going out of house even in a shiny lovely day (random bulets, sudden curfew, booby cars,..to the end of the list)

That's all what come to my mind as examples of iraqi's phobia

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