Think randomly, talk randomly

Hello readers,I was absence for two month !! well during this:

I took my Mid-Course examination and I did well in most of them.
the less mark I got was in Pharmaceutical (56/100), which is a subject I like, and I don't really think that I have a problem with it, but it seems that it has one with me, I always get low mark in this subject !! Never know where the defect is!!

Well, to be more precise; I became an aunt just a day before my exam.
It's a girl, and we named her "Marwa" and she is so pretty.

My sister and her children came and stayed in our house for 2 week since my brother in law was in India. They were a big source of noisiness, but in the other hand, they made the days of exams less depress for me.

I love my nieces and nephews so much, and it's the aunt's nature to show her love, but the problem I faced with that is my nephew "Ayman" 4 years old.
He went to my mother and said: “when I'll grow up, will you let me marry aunt Hadia??"

That's funny; I never thought in his age, one will do plans for future, especially that kind of plans!
I really didn't know how to deal with him after that, his mother tried to explain the issue to him and how wrong is it to marry me. she was more likely following up my behavior and telling me not to be kind with him, not hugging him, and not play with his feeling, !!! Ok, Ok

that was so easy after my parents left to Amman for 10 days and my sister and her followers (children) stayed with us.

At that time, I was not taking exams and I felt responsible of this house and so I was more like recording machine, yielding at the children all the time (DONT DO THAT!!)
Well, they are not natural children, they are hyperactive monsters.
I cought Anas once attacking Marwa while she was asleep, You should never trust child's innocence.
I make use of my sister residence with us . She helps me in studying pharmacology; she was really doing great in taking care of us and cooking (a horrible food) for us. And she was really more like a super woman. But Ayman was still consist on his opinion that mothers can't be a super hero بطله خارقه because they are mothers( the exact same reason that make me more convince of her being a super woman).

Now I am preparing for Exams: D *As usual*, it’s my final examinations,they will start on the third of June and ended on 21th. I need more than hard studying, need more than luck, need more than prayers.... I need Allah.

I am passing through a difficult circumstances in this critical time. As usual, all the difficulties come as additive to the exams. I really should have adaptation to this !!

I am eager to finish my third year in college, but in the other hand, I am not ready for the holiday.

well it’s complicated ;)

My sister is going to get marry and we are leaving for turkey for few weeks and there might be a life decision to make, I'll talk about that later. ….. Well it’s all about time

UP_date: Rambling all around.

Rambling about the situation

The situation in Mosul is fantastic!! Indescribable in every single way.

The Christian students stopped attending their college a week ago. I don’t know which mechanism vanish them all that rapid!! Oh, yes I remember; it’s called killing and shedding blood mechanism!. Sometimes, in order to survive, you have to leave and so they left! As hard as it sound and as simple as this.

I sent my friend (Christian friend) a message to ask about how she is doing, she only asked me to pray for them. She didn’t told me where she is now, she didn’t tell anybody either but I guess she is somewhere in the north of Iraq (where situation is calmer there).

In my college, we have many students from other Iraqi cities, those probably live in student dominate and those as well stopped attending the college yesterday because the mangers of this house asked them to leave before the election that will be in the 8th of this month.

Me and other collegue didn’t go to college as well (kind of support) beside; the situation is not supporting us to do this either! :D

I am above 18 old *Old news!* and so I will have to particibate in this election *confusing news*

Simply: in this right moment, I am totally ignorant of what is the name ofIraqi president! And what hia assistants' names! I am totally ignorant in everything about politics and every thing that is going far from my eyes. I simply don’t have interest to know, no ability to bear another shock and to hear another news. I closed my ears and my eyes from knowing any news a long time ago. I only know that my country’s name is Iraq and we are ALL iraqi. But هذه البلاد لم تعد كبلادي !!

Rambling about my hoppy of drawing:

Drawing is a major solution for me to relax after a hard day. I draw using oil colour or using the ordinary pencil. my psychotic condition really get better after a period of doing this.
This year I will participate in a kind of competition. I am not looking to win as much as I love to be apart of this. I know I won't win ; I am not that good in drawing, beside, my drawing is naive !! I didn't have any drawing lessons ever. My drawing result from willing and not from skills.
But, I am really looking for the day when I will win in such competition. maybe next year inshallah.

Rambiling about my result in Exams

I always find my way to trouble no one but myself, working and giving my best and then when things don’t work out; I blame myself, hate myself and punish myself.

I gave my 100% in studying, and yes I passed *expected* but not like a hero! The thing that puzzles me is that I really think that I am an intelligent, I don’t know if it is the exam circumstances that freak me out or there is a problem on my mental thinking !!

I feel sorry for myself about that, But I can't help it. and No body else can !

Just talking..

I don't know from where to start but I have been reading "the secret" so I will make a big jump over many things that happened (things that are a big source of negative thinking) .

I finally finished my 5th course in pharmacy college, I am now in the middle of the road, having only 5 courses left and being a real pharmacist *I hope*.

This course was so hard for me. I was really feeling unstable emotionally, psychology, and scholastically.*if there is such a word!?!??!!*.
I missed my cousin engagement party, many weddings and many happy events because I was studying for exam!! Well, I am doing exams more than doing anything else!!!.

Today, I found out that my Arabic tongue is getting worse!! Mom suggested it's due to studying in English, while my sister commented that I am not talking and I am not making a use of my Arabic!! Both not make a sense for me.

You can explain my absence from blog to being busy with school, but I even stopped writing in my diary!! I think there are many things that writing about them will not help you, and it's better to forget them and goes on like nothing had happened!! I know you are not understanding what I am talking about but neither do I *huhhh*

I did a Seminar in my class, in front of 100 of my collogues, and the Prof said to me "you was very very very good" ^__^ I was so scared and so eager in the same times. I was thinking of not wearing my contact lences in order to alleviate my stress threshold, but I did. And I didn't see anything anyway!!! *LOL*

I am the only student who did a seminar and who was not from the top 10 in the class, and that's make me feel proud of myself especially that I was better than few of them. * At least, that what I have been told!!* And will love to believe this :)


Best regards


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Hadia

Electricity dependent studying...

Well, that’s the way it is.No electricity mean no fine studying, no fine studying = no high marks, and no high marks = good bye my future.

Isn’t it bad to find your life controlled by electricity!!

I really feel guilty if I will not study when the electricity turn on after along day of studying, ended with studying at the light of chargable beam!! How could I leave this opportunity when I have a big chance of studying in normal light!!

That’s torture me, because It turned on when I was managing to go to bed, and I stand up not knowing what to do!! Probably such a chance ended with turning the light and go to bed!! Maybe my dream that night will be clearer than ever and shiny like it was never be!!

It’s not restricted by studying alone; it’s controlled our abnormal life.

when we are planning to go outside door and it turn on, mom often change her mind and decided not to go, she would probably prefer to do house works that need electricity!! She sometimes called the work’s place and takes the day off!!

So, they are: Times and energy who are my big enemies during my examinations.

I found my self in compete with one; against one of them. Which is something driving me crazy. Go to bed at 11 PM, and adjusted many alarms to wake me up, 30 minute between each, leaving the light on so when I awake, I can see if the electricity was on; so I’ll prepare myself for another hard studying, and if it was not, I’ll go to my warm bed AGAIN!!

It’s really pathetic. Having electricity will solve many of Iraqi’s problems!! And we really have many.

P.s: Eid mubarak to all muslims all around the world and to all iraqi, a special wishes for better future and better tomorrow.

You are a drug designer

You are a drug designer..
NO, Not you!! I am not talking to you!!! BUT I am writing to you ^__^ and that’s certainly mean something
.
In all articles I wrote, there is special substance in common which is me *Thank you very much*

Well, I have spent my last summer holiday reading books talking about finding happiness and being the happiest and being confidence and blah blah blah.
Well, I wrote such stupid words on my copybook which says: You are happy, you are special, you are clever_ just trying to cheer me up since I am not enjoying studying pharmacy as I thought… well, I wasn’t cheered up when my friends read it !! Anyway it’s not only me who is trying to cheer me up, and it’s not only me who need to be cheered up * Well All drug designer need *


“You are a drug designer “she (Dr. Nehad) said this word in each times she entered the class, and with each time she went out..



Pharmacy students = drug designer!! * Really nice*

I have been dreaming of being a house designer, a clothes designer, an artist. But I have never thought that in becoming a pharmacist I will be a drug designer!!

And that’s make this science somehow a kind of art! And I am definitely loving art, and that’s lead us to the point that I love pharmacy and I will certainly love being a drug designer ^__^


I don’t know why this wasn’t a passing phrase …. It was a cheering up phrase maybe.
Umm, Midcourse examination will started next Sunday *__* and I am so afraid and really freaked out, but unable to decide in which mood I am.
I am spending an hour each day talking to my clothes’ store,
in which I posted a few sheets where I wrote headlines about (Antibiotic) in my own designing way. Really hard pharmacology examination I’ll have next week with almost all antibiotic groups beside many other subjects. I have a difficulty on memorizing and differentiating between them *__*.

I really don’t like moaning publicly but I am really under big stress now.


As I said before, my sister has been engaged to a special man as she is. Nice to have another brother in law, and nice to see my sister happy with someone. But it’s really not nice to have someone compete with me on my sister. I can’t ignore that I have some kind of jalousie feeling from him in their first week of engagement. I was talking to her about all things happening to me during the day, telling her my entire little secret. But now, there is something change, she is always busy, not listening with desired, not understood me like before. But that’s ok since she is happy and I am happy and we all living together in this happy Iraq * not funny!! I know ^__^*

Now, I really have to spend an hour in imagination by looking to my store clothes, and start a real step on designing drug!
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See you…

Just to say hi and talk to you later

seems like I haven't wrote anything here since the school began... well, Network curfew!!! ^__^ *kidding*

I have been so busy last three week with school, my sister engagement party, and my other sister vist to us and all of that keep me out of reach.

umm, Third stage in Pharmacy college seems bretty much better than the second stage with it's more interesting subjects and better teachers. But I still have that problem with a douzen of unread lectures waiting to be studied.... I 'll talk about this later

My sister's party was a great waster of time, we spent weeks preparing for it... And It was worth working... umm, I'll talk about this later.

so see you later, Because it's time for electricity to turn off..
And untill later, Stay safe dear reader..

Back to college !!! (27/9)

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Ramadan ended with forgiveness, Eid ended with happiness and holiday ended with….

__ Wait!! What did I write?

__ I wrote: holiday ended…

__ End? That soon!!

Please wait, I need more break. I don’t want to go back to my school

Ok, there is only three ways:

1- A war to take place in your own country,

And this is not possible, since my own Iraq is already living in war.

2- Election to delay the school for a week,

And this is hard since it need a person with high position in the government to bring forward the date of the election. And I (Hadia) hate politics and all people work on it, and I am not going to knock such door !

3- A falsified kidnapping.

AM I JOKING???

I didn’t go outside house from about 20 days . Plus, that will not stop the school, there will be a school but there will not be Hadia in the school !!

School is always waiting in the corner, whether I want to admit this or not.

So, doctrorst and professors

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Please, broaden the road …

I am coming

Readers who are interested:

like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary

Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com