A letter to my mam

Tired I am tonight,  mam.
Holding inside me a pain of whole town.
Living a story that schehrizade didn't tell in thousand night and one night.

The face I see in the mirror is older tens of years from mine.
In my eyes I see no hope,  no light,  no sunshine.

Even my heartbeat seems to annoy me.
I don't know me mam!
My thoughts are crisd cross,
My plans are no plans.
The minutes are passing as weeks.
Even the seconds don't pass, mam!
I was lost in iraq ! So I flee out.
Now I am lost in Jordan ,mam! 

And if you want to hear a joke.  I just knew that I am expecting a baby. . so I am going to be a mother,  mam!

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لن ابيع العمر

Like a blind, i am walking in a road with no ends, no directions, and no stop stations.
 I am writing with tears falling down like winter's rain. I am crying and yes I am wailing at my Mosul, my mother town funeral .
Mosul fall down in the hand of ISIS 11 days ago. I fled Mosul to the north of Iraq " Kurdistan". yes, I have a heart that I must save but I left my Soule and prayers at home.   Moslawi peoples are passing through the most difficult times they have ever lived. essential life utilities are almost absent. The danger are surrounded us in every directions and everywhere in Iraq. and in order to be in peace; i have to fled as far as possible.

Since war took place in 2003 Iraqi's people didn't live any mean of peace, we continued laughing at ourselves that a better tomorrow will come, and that things will never stayed the way it is.
after 11 years, we woke up at the sound of plash of our died minds in the bottom of blood sea.
Our government and members of parliament were busy in stolling Iraqis' people money; Busy in telling their lies and fighting each other. and loving each other's power !  
  Our the country is at emergency;
parliament simply leave the country and ask America for a help ! !!!
soldiers leave the war yard and ask the citizens for help !  is this a joke ? a play? a story they tell us before we go to sleep.
I will not go to sleep, and If I will do so I'll better never wake up!
 For all those who keep telling me " you are strong" :
No friends, I am weak.
For my sister who keeps telling me " this too shall pass"
 This time, it will not pass  .
 This time I am quit, I have my enough. This time the dead is so close,  and for those who choose to live;  they have to leave. 

I am back :)

Why isnt everybody living the life of their dreams?

after 9 years of blogging, i am now abig big girl, i get married and i have a job in one of the most awful places" hospital" where i play the role of pharmacist and spend the time with sick iraqies, what a bless!
No, really...it's not that bad. I take used to the smell of pain and the dull sick faces and the sound of crying that fill the hospital with mess.
I take used, that i am no more the iraqigirl hadia...i am the iraqiwoman hadia, i am a housekeeper and a wife!


I am a married woman!
And when a girl get marrie in our sosciety everything is gona change,
her house,
Her family,

Her dreams,
Her thoughts,
Her friends,
Her duties and her responsabilities.
Her personality,
And
Her hoppies,

Everything even herself!

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Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com

posted from Bloggeroid

soon.... in 22 of october

Dear reader,
Next Monday is my wedding !!!

Readers who are interested:
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It's time to say goodbye dear ( pharmacy college ) !

Note: I am in the picture :)

This website was never mere a blog to me !

May I say that I miss blogging, I miss being Hadia behind the keyboard, writing on her ideas, fears and thoughts... I miss having the courage to admit my poorness ! and having the faith that I can solve it all .

This life steal years from us, I grow up so fast and yes it seems that my adult's problems and stress are bigger * I confess dear childhood*.
Recently, I feel that maybe what I see is not what is going on, Everything seems fake and everyone look different.The college look different, My friends look different, I look different myself " I loose 2 kilos :) "
NO,SERIOUSLY: our yard battle "our life" seems different !

previously in my posts history I wrote a phrase that was written in the cover of my book
" I feel that I have been sleeping all my life and I have woken up and opened my eyes to the words. A beautiful world but impossible to live in "
These are the words of fifteen years old Hadiya

But the words of twenty two years old Hadiya :
" I feel that I have been dupe in my life, and I have woken up and opened my eyes to see the truth and my mind choose to close and will still choose to close as much as this worlds is not a the beautiful world and as much as I want to make it possible to be lived in !"

I need a whole new blog site to write all what I am feeling and living through.
I don't know, but I feel that this life is giving me lessons lately, too much home works and hard exams I may not be able to pass !

I also don't know why I am not able to speak clearly, and why I hide the story beyond this phrases and why knowing that my fiance or someone I know may read this words make me unable to write!

Frankly speaking,I loose my writing habit after my engagement. Obviously this prince stole more that my heart !!! :) BUT,May I ask : why he is not writing?

I miss writing, I miss it soooo much, but I miss my fiance too :(
why I change the subject ? I always change the subject, I can't focus! more than ten ideas visit my head every minute *And you still ask why I have a traffic jam ??

right now I feel that:
I need to write!
I shall and I must and I will probably well ... this website was never mere a blog to me !

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helllo faithful reader !!

I am not a perfect person, and yes I don't have the perfect life but as I have my family next beside me and my fiancé near by, I am grateful and feeling happy and really think that this is the perfect life !

Alhamdulillah

فالحمد لله موصولا كما وجبا ....
فهو برداءة العزة أحتجبا
الباطن الظاهر الحق الذي عجزت ...
عنه المدارك لما أمعنت طلبا

I passed the 4th stage in collage with high marks and I only have one year left to be a pharmacist :)

Alhamdulillah

We traveled to turkey before a month and we spent a very pleasant time there for 14 days…. And now we are in this beautiful month of the year " Ramadan" and I am busy in doing nothing ! " another excuse of not writing, ha?"

Right now, I feel that I lost my writing ability !! probably due to not posting for looong time, which make me feel that I am not doing my best and so I am not satisfied about myself lately especially when I compare myself to the last few years!!

OK, I needed a rest and I am in holiday and I deserve this (maybe !!)

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Now:

It’s 11:30 pm,

It’s raining heavily outside, although we are in summer!!!!

And I didn’t do my exam yesterday, although I did have one!!!

And I am not feeling comfort, although I slept for 10 hours!!

Things not only goes unexpectedly but unrealistically as well

Toxicology is the subject that I hate most in this course of my studying and I had Toxicology exam yesterday which mean that yesterday was bloody and drastic day in my mental life, In the other hand: I did feel that I must do it with pleasure that if i want to live with peace the day after since I will be done from it..

Unfortunately, at 6:45 AM my friend waked me from my nightmare to another nightmare when she said that “there is a curfew”

There is a curfew = there is no exam today = I have to prepare for this exam once again = more nightmares = more miserable = and more bad thoughts that I can’t no longer handle!!

:((

There was a curfew yesterday, and there is a curfew today and there may be a curfew tomorrow and what else’s??? Do they want us to stop living? Wasn’t the 8 years of NOT living enough for them!!

when will this end! When will this soul have peace?

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I am tired of being Iraqi

Sometimes, everything goes as a race and you are in the middle of these have to focus on one thing (EXAM!!!)

Am I the only one who think that revolution in Tunisia and Egypt are really more interest than Toxicology!! I am sure I am not.

Yes, I had the interest in watching news!!

Weird to have that feeling after all that years of stop!! You can say that what happened in Egypt revive some feeling inside me. The revolution nationally inspired me and a ray of hope was seen in my eyes…. BUT unfortunately no longer!!!

The revolution in Iraq which took place on Friday killed all the laughter, and the hope faint away so far!!

May I not watch news anymore, please!!!

Just to say Hi..

She is always tired, Always busy and always taking exams….

Yes, she is always complaining, always crying and always not satisfied!

She is always fighting and always dreaming and always feels the need to write!!!
Unfortunately, this she is always me!

I finished my midcourse examinations before a couple of days and that explains my hyperactivity in refreshing this blog and may explain this few hallucination’s lines!!

I am totally occupied by this fantastic pharmacy college I am attending. Sometimes I reach the point of being unable to decide which thing gave me more worries, the war or the pharmacy college?

But since my study in this college will take 5 years of my life and the war seems to leave me with none, I can tell that my life is of war limiting steps!!

After all, being engage to one of my collegue makes college a more welcome place to go.


I am giving my best in studying and I pray to have marks that suite my ambitious spirit this year inshallah.

Just talking..!!

Ooops, another dozen of weeks without writing!
I know this (the absence from blog) became one of my habit but let's look to the bright side of this case;

* I am writing here since 2004 (I am 6 years old blogger!!).
For this occasion; I need a promotion!! Otherwise my faithfulness to the blogosphere will lose its continuation!!

* my evolution through this 6 years from a teenager girl who carry the world problems on her shoulder to mature girl who consider listening to the news " OUT OF MIND " behavior !!

Well, my absence is related to many causes, one of them is that after taking such a big decision in my life (the engagement decision) I decided to go along with my laziness and enjoy my decision result!!!

The other cause is related to being busy with my summer training in hospital.
I did extra days training not because of my will, and not because I am enjoying the illness smell, the sorrowful faces of leukemic children and not even because I am gaining worthy information (because I don't)..... It's all because:

when Allah gave the humanity kindness in their acts, one of the later refuse this gift!!
Thanks Dr. XXXX for making my world unhappier and unbeautiful place.
And if we were not in this holly month "Ramadan" I was going to go along talking about this, but now I will swallow my anger, hatred and Aversion and change the subject!!


Well, dear brain,
sorry for my nine hundred ninety nine thoughts that have been visiting you these days!!

Dear reader,
relax, I won't write about the 999 thoughts :)

Dear stomach,
be patient, it only 4 hours left till the iftar

Dear CNV,
find me a plan to finish my work's schedual for this month.

Dear heart,
be patient, live life and have Faith...

♥♥ engaged !!! ♥♥

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I didn’t know if he was my dream or I was his... but now I have faith that, we are each others destiney.

I surprised myself this month in doing this big decision in my life especially after a year that was from the hardest years I've lived ..

I, the one who have a hesitated personality, the one who spends hours thinking when I want to choose things as simple as shoes!!l! I found myself able to give an answer to his question with no hesitation but maybe with just small fears.

After each time I talk to him, I become more confident to walk in this road till the end. He is my power supplier and the one who is pushing me forward.There is a sense inside me that keeps telling me that I found him, but well, in fact, he found me first

The power of true love can make miracles, and the true love is an apportunity I was given...

So, I said yes:

I am ready to spend my lifetime with you ♥

I said yes,

For you to be my hero ♥

I said yes,

I will wear this ring forever ♥

And I said yes,

Here is my heart, you can take it and SAFELY keep it ♥♥♥

Readers who are interested:

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Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com