Wednesday, July 19, 2017

It's matter if you are Iraqi,

with this all bad calamities that hit my life during the last 15 years especially the last three one, All things are losing their glowing meaning of happiness.

I mean, Eid is not Eid without a family!
Full time electricity is not the exact truth meaning of comfort ( as I thought during my whole life in Iraq)
Being a free as a person out of Iraq, doesn't mean the full freedom. within countries; you will find different restrictions that draw different borders for your dreams.

within times, I find no place for happiness in my heart, the happiness is only temporal come and go within minutes. Yes I feel joy and happy when the weekend come and I go for a journey with my husband and daughter but this happiness fade away once i come back home!

I don't know how, all things are meaningless for me and in the same time even the small tiny things are sometimes matter.
- chronic hair fall really matter for me, being a hairy refugee is better than being a bald one!
 - potty training"  my daughter really matter for me;
I know you may find me crazy that I add more stress to my mental problems by thinking that potty training my daughter is a big deal.
But believe me, it is a really big deal since my daughter is an Iraqi child. And regardless her age; she will end up one day thinking that she have no choices and no control over anything happened around her, and no control over anything in her life except her bladder!! 😫🚽


Wednesday, July 12, 2017


Mosul is now 100% liberated and back to be part of Iraq again ! yeeey

 Why I am not feeling excited?
I waited for this SO long, I cried every time I just think about it. This is truly amazing. It must be the best day ever! But it's not !!

I hope that life will go the way that it will be worth living, and the hardest parts might end by now.
These hopes were keeping me a life while building my non obtainable wishes for tomorrow,
I dreamed that the day of liberation will be the day of smile to be drawn on the faces of people that their death were closer to them than my prayers.

my wish is for the past pain to be forgotten, and the hearts to be clean and soften.

But what life I am expecting for moslawies to have in the city filled with the subversion and the smell of death.
we are moving from one ordeal to another, surviving a disaster while finding ourselves facing another !
After all,
I am thankful for Iraqi Army for making this day come true, I just wished it will be the day of my dream but the life had killed the dream I dream.

                                              Mosul after the liberation


Saturday, July 01, 2017

Phantom pain

Is a perception sensation that an individual experience related to a limb or organ that is not part of the body.
This is not a medical lecture, this is my internal emotional sensation.
Nabi Yunis mosque (Tomb of Jonah) was bombed 3 years ago and I still can see it from the guest room window of my parents house !
I can still feel the standing potency of the hunchback mosque that the ISIS blew a week ago !
And I can still hear the sound of my passed nephew Anas!
I can’t help myself to believe that all of that are things from the past that will never ever return!
I can’t help because I am from Mosul, and Mosul is running in my blood and in my heart.
And if a right finger’s ring is that which connect between our Souls ( my country and me) then imputed the finger by fleeing the country doesn’t mean that our spiritual consensus is over ! NO, I am still wearing the same ring but in another hand ( country), and whenever someone mention the name of “Mosul”, “home”; I am still painfully checking my right hand finger although my right hand finger is imputed and Mosul is Erased from the plan.

I can’t add more words, but if you understand my point; you will understand why after all; there is no Joy accompany the liberation process as Mosul is losing the base from where all this culture and historical civilization shine !