Sunday, December 27, 2015

memories erase

This is what I need really, those pictures in my head is torturing me
Pictures from the past, past enough to be in Iraq but not that much to be in peace since that happened loooong long ago and had been removed with crowds.
Pictures that I want to forget are not miserable to be sad about, not even regrettable to take lessons from.
Those that remain here in my head are those attached with heart, those that shedding down my tears everynight.they are the sounds of family gathering in Eids greeting  and relieving each other's grief. The laughs of my nieces and my nephews , Oh I missed them to death
They are the hand of friend that used to pull off my tears and make me able to overcome my problems. The hand of  "Noor"  that still pulling off my tears but only in dreams.
They are my old life routines, but they are not boring to me now !
it is my early awake to go to my job in Hospital, My JOB oh God I miss working and gaining money and shopping with my own money and having my own 
money L

I missed my small apartment, I won't say it's so small anymore. I miss my bedroom , it was as white as we need our life to be.

I miss my private pharmacy, I don't know why I am crying when I am writing about it, I only opened it for 20 days and then ISIS came and my efforts and my husband tiredness gone in vain .
It was our mutual goal. It was the pharmacy of my dream, isn't it what every pharmacist dream ?
I miss counting the days down till my parent's day visit come and go there to spend the very few hour before my husband came to take me off because it is not safe to be out of house after 8 pm !!?
I miss watching movies with my husband although the electricity may turn off and you may lose the interest in completing the rest of it in the next day!
I miss streets, although they are always closed, always crowded and always risky !
I miss Mosul biggest and oldest  Mosque " Jami al nabi younis" although I only entered it twice, but it was the blessed that gone when  ISIS attacked the city
After all, things I miss are mostly changed
Most of, are not worthy to feel sorry about

 But every little details of them living with me, hurting me from the inside and that's maybe why I have no intent to return back to where those memories came from. And I have no wish to live them again.

1 comment:

Jan said...

Hi Hadia,
great you are healthy and still save in a way.
I'll react on your posts real soon.

Stay save,