Home, School and between...

salam alykum,I have no excuse for not writing but I was really busy and I didn't have time to write.Since the school started, I passed 5 hours every day on studying and I hardly found time to have a chat with my family. Well, when I come back from school I open my mouth and don't close it, I mean I talk so much but I don't listen. After coming back from school And talk about what's going on with me, I usually go to my bed and I only need to put my head on my Pillow and fall asleep. and after having a nap for more than an hour, I wake up and study for 2 hours and another 3 or 4 hours after the break fast. The only space time I have through the day is when I watch TV and when I read a few paper from Harry Porter's story before go to sleep. Well, The school this year is not like every year. They said we will go to the college next year!!Me In collage = NO WAYI entered the primary school yesterday and they want to put me in a college!. well, I was so surprise this year when I knew that 2 girls from my class get married and another 2 girls get engage. And here I have to stop and shout: hey, Am I the only one who still have a pink room with bears on her bed and Barby toys in her drawer? In fact I didn't play Barby from ages but if you want the truth I lost the key which open this drawer :) And I am not sure if I find it I won't play in them :) I am not a little girl anymore, I am not a women but I am betweenToday, I have a good time with Aya who is now speaking and controlling us. We spent 15 minutes today: me,Najma and my mam siting in circle with Aya and just did what she asked us to do. she will sleep in our house today, Her Mam called us and ask us not to bring Aya back because there was a shooting and as she describe it "A Small battle " near from her house. Her house in really near from ours but I don't know why we didn't hear anything. Anyway, a minutes later my cosine called and said there is a small battle near from their house and ask us if there is any near from us ?And we were really living in peace till we found ourselves out of the siting room with the light turned off and Aya shouting " It's danger, Grandpa come inside it's danger" So we moved to another room and turned on the TV And played with Aya who began to cry after she heard her mother's voice on the phone :(When Aya born I thought that I will finally find someone to order him(her) and told him(her) what to do and what not to do. But I was wrong. Aya shouted at me twice today and said " Stop bothering us" The only thing I was doing is talking, is that a crime??? It's not fair, I am older than her and I am her aunt and I raised her and change her paper and the only thing I have is " Stop talking, you er bothering us" . The only times I have control in Aya are: when I go up stair for studying and she follows me , and when she want my shoes to build a building * strange girl, ha??* and when she want a candy.But what can I do, I love this little girl more than anything in this life. And I really forget that I have a nephew who is now 6 months old. I don't know why I always forget him but :maybe because he is a boy and Aya is a girl, And the girls usually nicer and cuter than boysor maybe because Aya is the first baby called me "aunt hnk"or maybe because he is still young.. But I really love him and enjoy my time with him.I want to hug him tightly just to see him like a mouse between my arms, He is really cuty boy.
Uhh,I'll try to write a new post next week Inshalah
H.N.K

Ramadan kareem

Alsalam alykum,
Ramadan kareem and Inshalah seam makbool.
First of all, I turned back to my school and began the fight with studying. well, I am scared from this year. I have to get hight marks to enter the suitable college for me. I need to do more efforts and more study and that is ***.
well, This picture shows our breakfast in the first day of ramadan.
I love Ramadan, I think the best days I lived are the days I lived in Ramadan. especially before the war. Ramadan was un believable for me. Ramadan made me feel happy more than anything I don't know why and I can't understand why.
when I don't eat anything for 14 hours I have to feel hungry and ungry too. But when I feel hungry,I smile and feel really happy.
Ramadan gave us joy certinly.
Anyway, I have to go now... see ya
H.N.K

New day has come

Salaam all,
There is no argument that I had fun in Syria and this journey helped me really to re-draw a smile in my face,But it also make me feel that the 17 years I lived all go in vain.
honestly, When I raech syria's area I told Najma " It's OK, It's only seventeen years!"
Yes, we can say this: it's only seventeen years. But hey!! it's take all my life :(
there were so many questions dancing and moving in circle and making a noisy in my mind.
what I was doing in this 17 years ? yeah yeaee, how could I forget this, I was studying history which I realised that it contains so many lies and Little truths. well, I don't say I didn't do anything but the things I did are not helpful.
Anyway, I woke up from my last life and maybe I am going to somewhere.
So, I came from Syria carrying hopes and dreams of futures.
but When we became finally in home. There was a car preparing itself to suicide and it did exploded near from our house. we didn't lose any of our Windows but some neighbors did.
well, After another bombs car and after the daily Small explosion and bullets, I still carrying some hopes that I will find the hope someday.
Another day started when I heard that one of our relatives had been killed so I triedto forget this as usual and I think I succeed in this because I didn't talk about that since the son rays falls. I really had a very bad nightmare last few days but today I didn't see anything when I was asleep. Nothing is better than nightmare certainly.
There is a hot news, Our telephone repaired this morning. It was not working since the nine of January ( so long) I even forget how to use the telephone :) but after while I called my grandma and when she answered me I changed my tone voice automatically to a child voice. I hardly prevent my tears. I really really missed my grandparent and I can't wait to see them again.

My school will start tomorrow and here we go to our last year in the high school.
collage, I can't wait to see you...
keep in touch
H.N.K

Syria pictures

What's up?

I have been disconnected with my blog last few weeks because I was in Syria..After my father finally knew that there is no hope of living a normal life,and having a fuel from the fuel station,he gave us his ordertravilling to Syria.
Althought I visited Syria once before but I was to eager and excited to go out from Iraq. well, I think if they took me to the desert I would be happy to be far from the boombs and bullets. Anyway,our trip was so hard and exhausted. we need about 14 hours to reach Aleppo. We spent 4 hours in the Immigration and passaport center. As you can see in the picture, there are hundereds of people waiting to hear their name and get their passaport and turn back to their cars to continue their trip.we reach Aleppo at about 11 o'clock in the night and it was the fisrt time I see the night since I was in Syria last year. Do you know why I love Syria??
I love Syria because I can see the night, I can see the black sky which BTW I didn't like it before.
I love Syria because in Syria you can see many people walking in the street with no fears and guess What?? They are smiling too.I love Syria Because in Syria the policemen are not show their arms and if they show them,they put them down.
I love Syria because in Syria the people know what freedom mean.
I love Syria because in Syria there are green trees and happy children and moreover a real life.
I love Syria because in Syria there are a simple family,live a simple life far from violents.
I said all what I want to say, I am not sure that I am happy to return back to my home. The only things I missed when I was in Syria are my sister and her children and our bathroom :)
Hey: I went to Syria for ten days, and at that time the governement rememberd and for the first time that there are some students worked so hard and studied in the dark and did their best not to forget that they are human being at last and that human being have to improve theirselves and their skills. They rememberd the students who sat all nights under the light of candels feeling so cold and can't focus while the shooting tookplace in their neighborhood.They finally rememberd the students who went to their school hardly and left their mothers in the house worried about them and pray that they will come back home safe. Hey!they rememberd the people who will build the future and yes these people are the babies that the governement were soppose to built their life now!!Is this a coincidence or what??These babies grow up and these babies learn to write and learn how to speak English. These babies become teenagers. These teenagers having a website in the internet now and they are writing about the governement biggest work.Can you share my happiness and sat up and clap your hands.Now if you happy and you know it please join me and clapp your hand..Although I missed this because I was in Syria but I am happy that the governement remember me.
Thank you all for listingPC: I mad an interview and you can read it in: http://www.agrnews.org/?section=archives&cat_id=38&article_id=1043&rowx=0

Just talking

Hello every body,
I was too busy last few days as usual. This time I was busy with our visitors.
My aunt came from Baghdad and she is staying at our house with her daughter. My aunt is usually playing on the computer so I couldn't find timeto sit on the computer myself and write a new post.
Note: I didn't joke or made a mistake when I said that my aunt is usually playing on the computer, Because she is playing all the time.
Anyway, I was playing before a few minutes too, but I was playing with Aya and we were building. we will be a good engineers. Don't you think?




before two days there was a curfew for two days. The situation was somehow calm near from our house but there was a few boomcars in Mosul. we were stuck at our house, we couldn't go anywhere but we walk to my sister's house and brought her and her children to our house.
The street was empty, everything looks freez .

before few days me and my mother help each others and cook this kind of food wich is a local food in Iraq. we call it " Kuba" . It's so hard to cook it. Each piece must be in the same size of the others and this is the hardest thing.

Anyway, I have to go now

seeya

When the victims are your ........

When the victim is your uncle:
They built our future..
They gave us life..........
our hopes died when they died....
They are the victims of this war..

Before a couple of days, I was sitting with my family watching TV. At about 11:30, I went to bed. And noticed that I have UN read message in my mobile phone. It was from my friend Maas. I thought it was a normal message; it might be a joke or something like that. I read the message and it said: my family is in a horrible state, my uncle was killed this morning when he was in his way home from the mosque (in Baghdad). The feeling I felt that moment I can't describe, I rush down stare and told my parents and then I went to my bedroom and cry for a long times. I feel very sorry for Maas, she was too busy this month, she went to Baghdad and do an extra examination.

When the victim is your family:
The danger surrounding us all the time but this time was not the same.
hearing a sound of bomb is something we use to, so we don't disturb ourselves and stop doing whatever we are just because a sound of bomb. This time and after a while my father's phone rang. My uncle was on the phone and he told my father that two mortars fell on the roof of his house. He was sleeping on his bed when the explosion took place, at that time a little peaces of the roof fell on his bed and on the floor. His wife said that she didn't aware that the mortar fell on their own house at that moment. She went to the room where she found my uncle sitting on his bed and holding few peaces of stone.

And when the victim is your family:
A new day has come when a bombing car exploded in front of my relatives' house. All the windows and all the doors broken. The explosion was too close from their house and it was too big. Three of my relatives injured and moved to the hospital. They are ok now. But many people lost their life because of that bombing car.

At the beginning of the war, when we heared an explosion, we hold the phone and called all the family and make sure that they are all fine. But now and because the explosion don't stop all the day, we stop calling each others. But when the explosion hurt someone from the family, in this the victims.

When the victim is you:
Our souls live in our hearts..
Our hearts are inside our bodies..
Our bodies living in our homes....
Our homes are our country.........
Our country had been destroyed..
we are the victims of this war...........

I consider all the people living in Iraq victims. And I am a victim because I am living in Iraq. I am a victim because no day passes without hurting me in someway or another. I am a victim because every day makes me weaker. I am a victim because I will be the victim sooner or later.
The people who killed and died, they left Iraq and their suffering.
But we! We are still suffering and we are waiting our turn to die and left Iraq.

When the victim is your niece:
Iraqi children are the victims of the war. Aya is a victim of the war. What will you call a baby of one and a half year's old living under this state??
Could you find a baby at that age know what is generator mean? When the electricity turn off, she began to cry and shouted for generator (generator please turn on... generator please turn on) isn't she a real victim of this war???

No wonder that one of her first words was (the weather is hot).

How funnyis for me to see her suffering. When the electricity turned off and the generator turned off. Aya stand in front of the fan and said the weather is hot, doing all the expression on her face to express her needs. Her needs was not eassy to get but so easy to lose.


Note:this post was written before a week.

Fighting to keep alive

I know it have been so long since I wrote my last post, I know you were worried about me, and I also know that you are sorry about what is going on in Iraq.I know all that just because I heard it over and over again till I wear your shoes and forgot that I am the one who is living this life, till I felt that I am sorry for me, my poor wounded soul.
I wish the reason of not writing a new post that I was busy with my lessons, or I was busy with Aya and Ayman. But it's not. Right now I concider myself half human.
All days are the same, it just like the other days.. repeating itself, Woke up early, took my breakfast and study and study and study till my course's time came,after that I'll go to have it and then get back and study AGAIN.
the Same program is running in my life and I accept it if that doesn't mean the killing, bombing and stealing will go on too.
I spent a very bad and hard days since I wrote my last post.The situations is deteriorating rapidly, I don't know from where I should start, many things happened I can't number them. but here are some examples:

My dad went to his work with my sister, Aya was with them in the car, and my dad was driving when they heard the sound of few bullets towards the soldiers' tank.
the tanks was infront of my father's car in the other direction of the road. My father's car was not the only car there. Anyway after the shooting stop. The soldiers got crazy as they always did. They ordered the people who sit inside the cars to get out and put their hand on their head as the soldiers' order. The soldiers throw out everything from my father's pocket. My father asked the soldiers to send Aya and her mother to the car because it was too hot. They didn't even try to listen to him,they shouted loudly and didn't accept to hear a word. In the moment the Iraqi police told my sister that she can go to the car and she have to keep the doors open.
My sister sat on the car with my little niece Aya who was shouting for getting my father back, crying probobly because she was thirsty. My sister fear to move her hand and open her bag and get the water from it, you don't guess the soldiers reaction about that. She stayed in her place thinking of my father, what is he thinking on that moment, what is he feeling, is he thirsty, she was worried about his state because my father had a hard attack and it's not good for normal people to be in that situation so what about a 60-year-old man. She was cursing them silently. What a humiliation to a respectful man .
The situation continued for an hour and a half but for some people like my sister it seems like a year. When he returned back to the home, Dad said nothing at all, my sister said "you didn't know what happened to us today!" my father said "nothing". She told the story and my father didn't comment, trying not to make us worried, picking the glass and drinking the water as he always do.
It just needs a strong man like my father to forget it, I am not a man and I am not strong. When the danger is around me, my family or around my friend I can't sit watching. It's not war against Sadam or against the terror only; it's a war against us, it's a psychological war.
To live or not to live this is the question.

Bye bye peace of mind, see you in heaven: maybe
-----------------------------------------------------
Note: I will write the update soon, I just write one from many.

Gifts

This Gift is from one of my best friend, this gift is from "O"


The neckless and the card are from my sister "S"


And this is from my lovely friend "H"



This gift is the best. It's from the best mam in the whole world to the best daughter on this planet :) .
And this gifts are from my dad, he bought them from france..

Never Found it

My birthday was before 7 days and I didn't find time to write about that since then. So...
My birthday was not a good day. Well, maybe it was the worse birthday I have ever got. There wasn't a birthday party or a birthday cake or any sweets that I didn't even brush my teeth before I went to bed.

Am I feeling happy with the ( seventeen years old) following my age?
NOT AT ALL.

It's a miserable feeling. I always want the time to go on faster and I always want the year to run fast as much it possible. But when I saw that the year is really passed and there is nothing changes in the reality situation, I felt so much angry and so much guilty.
I feel guilty when I smile because the smile became something UN usual in our interim life and because I know that in this moment the life of many families are destroyed. Many kids are losing their parents and many wives became windows.
I feel guilty because I must feel guilty because I must not shut my mouth and watch the horrible movie became alive. I feel guilty because I have already accepted to live and act in this movie. I feel guilty because on my past life I thought that this problem will solve on play part in this movie.
I feel guilty because I am guilty...

before few days Najma asked me why I was look sad, she said " if you will cry, don't answer"
Well, I didn't.
She asked " Do you want to go out of Iraq?"
My really option and my only choice is I want to stay in Iraq. I want to stay in. I want to see it shinning again. I am not sure that I will, but I am sure that I will stay on it and shining ;(

Good bye

I will take pictures and post it tomorrow...

In order to survive

In order to survive, humans being have to cooperate. And in order to cooperate, they have to communicate their Ideas, feeling and needs.......

The paragraph above is one of the subjects that included in English book for the fifth grade.
So, In order to survive myself I will communicate:
1- my Ideas

I am thinking right know how I will be able to live next month ! They said that the government will cut the electricity from Mosul for 15 days.
Fifteenth days without electricity!! Are they kidding??

2- My feelingI am feeling pessimistic right now, I went to take my physics course and when I was getting back home, I saw about three tank from the large size and in the same times there were about two helicopters flying above my head. I just feel that I am in a camp.
It's not a good feeling when you see that. When a tanks or any kind of US soldiers' cars are in the street, you can't see one car moving beside them, All are driving behind them about 12 M.

3- My thought
As I said before I lost so much weight this month. Today I was wearing my gold ring and suddenly I felt that there is something missing, I looked at my finger and I didn't see it.
I rushed looking for it and I tried to remember every one moment from my movement.
Well, it's work. I found it :)

Do you know what? I am sixteen going to seventeen ... I will be seventeen going to eighteen next week. In the third of June I will be seventeen years old. I will be wiser, taller, thinner and perhaps uglier than the year before.

Now, It's my time for watching TV.

Good bye

hnk

Food !!

Maybe we don't have an electricity, peace ,freedom but we certenly have food.
Maybe we can't drive, walk and doing the simple normal things but we can eat.
Food always make you feel bettter, especially if it's taste good.
here are some food pictures.


My favorite sweet for my friend libby



Aya in NAjma's birthday.


barpique *Did I write it right?*


This picture is Najma Favorite dinner. she used to eat this at least 3 times a week.

This is Klaiga before baking . Iraqi people used to cook this sweet before the Eid

Klaiga ready to be eaten.


The Donuts I cook is one from the best Donuts ever.

Cheese cake I cook is the worse cheese cake ever.

Talking

The clock rang about 7 o'clock in the morning, and I didn't wake up. Rang again at about 7:45 and another one at about 8. Well, I woke up and ate my breakfast and hurried to take my physics examination at home. As I mentioned before, I started studying for the next year.

Hum, Aya came today, she is too active and she prevents us from touch or sit beside Ayman. She said " mal Mamia", she mint that he is her mother's baby.
Till now she thinks that my father is praying, I don't think praying need all this time. anyway
She holds the phone and said "Gagawa, Ta3ali" she mean (Grandpa please come!).
I am too eager to see my father but I am more eager to see the meeting between my father and Aya. I am sure that they are both missing each others very much.

Yesterday I had a terrible night. I closed my eyes and when I was too close from being in my first nightmare, the electricity turn off. Now, I live the nightmare. It was too hut beside that there are many mosquito this summer. What's the problem??

I open the window and look to the sky and between the wires I could see the stars.
Oh... This star is lighting for a moment and stop after while!!
Oh... It's moving!!... Oh it's helicopter, Sorry.
Just imagine my night with the sound of generators and helicopters.
Very beautiful night.

Now, I will go and spend my times with Aya.
bye bye

Crash... *I don't find another name, But that's look nice*

Hi,
I woke up today and told my mother that's I am not feel ok. I didn't eat my breakfast or my lunch because I feel pain in my abdomen, and I couldn't look at the food. It's hard to explain that. BUT
Last Tow months I lost 8 pounds from my wight. I look awful now, just like ghost.And my Mam don't like how I look at all. She often use this word " when you was bretty.....bla bla bla" well, she mean I am ugly right now, there is no other way to explain her words :)
Anyway, I am trying to get my weight back, So I really really ate so much yesterday and I ate everything I see.
So now after you know why I am somehow sick today, You know why I am late.
So see you later
bye bye

PC: hey libby,
Look what the food done!! I am sick :(

trying again...

Hi,
I am trying to write a new post every day in this week. I discovered that the average percent of the daily visits to my bog get lower than before. Well, I don't balm the people who read my bog. Because I don't write regularly last 3 months.
But yesterday I promise myself to not value myself low or my blog. And I'll try to retune the life to my blog and make it breath again.
Now, I have a good opportunity to do something make me feel especial.
Najma's examination will start after 2 weeks. She'll not have enough time to write a post nor visit my blog. So I hope that when she'll finish her examination. My blog will be famous that even Oprah winfry will talk about. :)
Will, I want to do something or to reach some point that Najma didn't reach. I think this is my dream; I want to be her someone. This is disaster and I know it's not good, but I have to do it before I'll lose my confidence in confidence itself. well let's say that she is someone that I look to be like.
She writes in NY Times and washingtonpostt and many others. Well I admit I feel jalousie because I didn't write in a newspaper before.

Well, tell me what I should write. I do nothing every day except studying and sleeping and watching TV. Well, I don't like what I do and I don't like talking about what I do. I don't like what is going on in this planet, I don't like living in this planet where no word of truth was heard.
let's try to do something useful
But not today....
Tomorrow tomorrow ..I'll write a new post tomorrow.
hnk

the besy picture I have ever drawn

Well, the scanner machine is not connecting with the computer. So I took the picture to the picture I drew and here is it.

what ever you try, your sky will not look like that....

Not be a secret anymore

Hmm, let's see what I was going to write?

Now, part of my heart feeling very grateful for my Mom and Dad, my mother took us to buy some clothes and other things today. As I mention before, my father is in France and he contacts with us every day, he is doing well. He said he got some weight and he is enjoying his time and he wish that we are with him. He said that he couldn't buy gifts for us, because the price is too height there. And so my mom is buying some gifts for us from Iraq :) And we will pretend that we have these clothes from France :) Who said the opposite ?

The other part of my heart feeling that he is missing some bodies.
I miss my dad; I want him right now sitting beside me. I miss Ayman too much; I didn't see him from last Saturday. I don't know why I am missing him, He didn't say a word or do an action which make me fall in love , he didn't open his eyes and look at me, he didn't beat me or push me or do the stuff that Aya did with me. But I miss him; I began to forget his looking. :(

Yesterday, my mother and I went to the tiny market in our neighborhood and it was close, so we changed our way and went to the super tiny market and bought the things that we needed. After that when we were going to the house we saw that the tiny market was opened so we entered and my mother told the shoppers who is one of our neighbors that she finishes her shopping and she came to look for some others things. The shoppers asked my mother about my father and my mother told him that he is fine and he said of course he is fine because he is far from the explosions and the bullets bla bla bla....while he was saying his word we heard a loud sound of bullets and I don't know what was happened out side, The shoppers told us to go to the safer place in the market. But that was not working, It was clear that the bullets were in our street. So, He holds the phone and called his mother and asked her to open the door.
?????? :)
Where is the door?? haaa??
Do you know the story of Allis in the wonder land? When she became small in size she opened a door and go to what ever it was. Anyway, the door he asked her mother to open was in that size. I don't know how I could put myself in that door which was leading to their garden. Well, we sat at his house for a while and then went back to our house.

Anyway, I don't care which size the door is. but it is a very good door :) As they said:

Don't judge the book from it's cover. I don't know who said that but I know that I said:

Don't judge the door from it's size
hehe,How much silly I am ??
If you are with the people who said that I am silly, so come to Iraq and live for months and we will see!. Will the silly life here make you silly or not??

hello,
Oh, I am too busy with my sister and her children ( Aya and Ayman) I thought that when I 'll finish my school, I 'll have time to write a long post but it's cleer that I was wrong.
Dad still in France, it seems that he spend a good times there. But I miss him so much and I can't wait to see him again.
so, I just write to tell you that I am ok. thank you very much.
now, I had to go :)
bye

Dear Ayman

Hello, My name is An, I am now 3 days old. I have one sister who looks very kind with me. Especially that I am the only one who is being kissed by her. I gave her every day a gift to make her love me and not be jelouse.
She cried when she saw them took me for a bath. The first day was full of tears for her, whenever I stop crying she began to cry.
She called me Aony ( I like this name) and when she said Aony all the Family forget who is Aony and the only little cute baby they remember is Aya.
I don't blame them, she is more beautiful than I am. She walk and talk and do an action which make the whole family laugh.
Today I saw her eating cucumber after dipping it in the Cola, I wonder if that taste good.
Anyway, I love my family but I didn't see my grandpa till now.. I heared them talking to him in the phone and they said he is in france.... They said in france there are streets and lights and some others things. Anyway, I hope when my grand father will come back from france, he'll love me as much as he love Aya.
I sleep almost all the day. They think I am in a state of denying because they left me and went to play with Aya.
ok , bye now. I have to sleep before the night fall. Because now my jope is not make my mother sleep. That's fun, Try it!
talk to you later