Friday, February 24, 2006

Without comment

Twinkle Twinkle my darkness life
Let me see the headlines
I am hurting because I am blind

I am sad and I don't know why. Not because I don't find the reason to feel like I do, but because I don't know which reasons covered my life with all this pain.
Every second make me weaker. With all pressures in the school, with all bombs around me I don't know what to do? What to say? . I don't like sitting in my place, watching the people killing each other, cheating each others and fighting each others.

I can swear that this war changes my life 80 -degree. I am 16 years old. I should live the happiest part of my life; I must be a crazy girl doing foolish and stupid things while I am not. I am talking like some one in 35. I feel I am nothing, I do nothing in my life and I going to do nothing.

My friend's brother is too ill. Before 9 days he wake up and he couldn't see anything. He is now blind and he can't speak, he has a headache all the time. He beccme worse and worse each day. The doctors don't know what happened to him. They give him drugs but his body didn't respond with all their attempts. In Iraq there is no hope to survive. They are trying now to go out of the country and maybe they will find an answer about his state in some country.

Have you ever wanted to disappear?
Have you ever wanted to scream?
Have you ever feel that you are being led by something outside your self?....Well, I am

The electricity is better now. It turns on for about 12 hours now. But the generator crashed. so it stil bad to live 12 hours each day without electricity . I lived 20 hours and some times 24 hours without it but I am sick of it. If that's all what can America give to Iraqi people? 12 hours with electricity. So why they come to Iraq?

In the morning I study in the roof of our house. Sun’s light is a good friend to me these day. Najma and me were studying in the roof yesterday and there were many helicopters flew in the air and around our house. Najma's hope that they will shoot us and so we will not have to study because we will be in the heaven playing. That what she said yesterday. But in Iraq no dream come true thanks God. Look! Can you hear the sound of helicopter? It seems that it hear us talking about it.


Tuesday, February 21, 2006

a part of my diary life

Hi all,
I am sorry.
I know I am late this time but it's not my fault, I couldn't find time to write a post.
I know that you are waiting to hear from me any news about my marks.
Ok, I get good marks in math, physics, chemist, English, Islamic and Arabic but in biology I get the lowest mark I have ever had in all my life. I Get 81.
In the other hand I get 91 in French, It's a good mark but I need to get 95 in my next exam for not take the final- examination.
During I was answered the questions in Math examination I began to cry because I was feeling afraid and I answered the question wrong and I knew my answer was wrong and I thought that I didn't have enough time to answer it right especially that I write a different numbers. Anyway, There was a teacher who knows how my state usually become in the examinations, she come to me and said: relax hnk relax please, I will bring some water for you, don't cry don't worried, It's ok if you get 99 instead of 100 bla bla bla. her speech make me cried., she always make me cry during the exam. But the good news is that I get 99 in math. :) I didn’t expected that. I didn’t know what my answer was at last..

The situations is still going to be worse. There were sounds of shelling last night, It makes me feel angry, I just wanted to sleep. Some times I wish that I have something for cover my ears whenever I want not to hear the sounds around me. :(

The only think that make me feel happy is Aya. she love me more than Najma I guess. I don't know why all the children usually love me more than Najma. .I make a mistake yesterday when I draw some pictures of cartoon for Aya, she loved my drawing and want me to draw more and I was have to go and sleep. She began to cry, yelling and she was walking behind me and holding a pen and a paper and shouted baby. After a long war between two of us, we went to sleep.

See ya


Saturday, February 11, 2006

Hi !!

Did I mention that I will go to Baghdad and the road is UN safe?
Well, I think I did.
HEY! Guess what?
I 'm back.
I checked my E-mail and I got Zero new mail. That’s made me feel I'm a very important person. I can change the world in a word.
We were lucky that the road was good. But of course I am tired now.
Huh. I missed my bed, my computer, Aya, and the Internet. I was completely out of the world.

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I have to go to school and get my mid_examination's marks.
I am terrified; I am not ready not at all.

The driver who took us to Mosul didn't stop talking about Gas and gasoline problems and about the price of meet. What happened to this guy? I couldn't sleep and I had a headache beside that I don't know what happened to my neck, I can't move it easy, It's hurt me a little.

OK, I will press Publish post now with out checking what I wrote with somebody. Because this body is angry now. I know I have a lot of mistakes but come on who read anyway?

your only hope in this world

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

It's my life

Hi All,

Days of my life

The holiday doesn't seem too bad; I went outside the house once so far.
I am sleeping enough, I have enough time to watch TV, I can play with Aya as much I want to.

Yesterday, My friend Maas visited me. It was a pleasure to see her away from school. we talked, ate and watched some Photo Albums. I spent a good time with her.
She was hoping to see Aya, but Aya didn't visit us yesterday.

Aya came today, she is still cute and nice but not all the time, sometimes when she wants to do something she do it without caring if it was right or not. Mam often prevents her from doing whatever she wants and that makes her angry and she begins to cry. And here we have to ignore her as what Super nanny said. That's hard, really really hard. When she cries, my heart begins to cry with her. I can't see her tears, she is too small to carry out all the orders.

Aya found an orange the other day, she was so excited and was trying to peel the orange with her bare hands. Of cource, she couldn't, and so, she started to weep. In a try to stop the weeping, I turned on some music that she likes.. As a result, Aya was both, crying and clapping at the same time.. That was so STRANGE.

My Dad often turns the TV on cartoons for Aya, But it looks like he is used to watch cartoons. The other day, I found myself and my Dad watching Tom & Jerry, while Ays was busy doing something else.

Worries, feeling and needs:
We are going to Baghdad next Friday; I am a little worried about what is waiting for us in the road. I heard from some people that the road from Mosul to Baghdad takes about 10 hours, but I also heard that some people needed 6 hours to reach Baghdad.
So, It's about luck, If there are many American convoys, we will need more time.

I am a little sad right now, I went with my father to take my sister back to her house, we went to the hospital and waited till she finished her work, It was about 6:15. Since many months, I haven't been outside the house at such a late time. The night, the moon, the streets and the people look different. I had a strange feeling. For just a moment, my memories came back, and filled me with happiness especially that the radio was turned on at an Iraqi channel and there was an Iraqi song that I didn't like before today.
Before we reached the house, our neighbour called my father on his cellphone and told him that he noticed that my father's car is not in the garage and he was worried about what kept him late till this hour, 6:30 .

Are you laughing? Because sometimes when I think seriously about it, I begin to laugh with my tears falling on my cheeks.

The problem is not about the time; it's about the water, the electricity and the danger around us. It's about our future and our history.

Many many years after 2006:
Aya will come from her school crying
  • - why are you crying my dear Aya?
  • - I didn't do well on my history examination today
  • - why?
  • - the question was about the name of the leader who lead Iraq for 20 years till the occupation. It's a hard question; I don't know his name. wahhhhh wahhhhh wahhh.
  • - *confused*