Monday, October 22, 2007

Or not

Are we crazy or we are not?

Before a couple of days, Najma’s friend told her that she will do a visit to our house the day after. Najma was planning to make بسكت بارد (sort of sweet), she didn’t have a time to cook it during the day so at about one am and while I was working on the computer; I saw the light of the kitchen lit on.” Najma surely lose her mind, cooking sweet after the mid-night” I thought.

A minute later, she came asking for help which is something I ready to do especially if this help is cooking. We were both in the kitchen cooking, laughing and trying not to make noise so we won’t be cauught by grandma or mom who will definitely tell everyone that we were cooking sweet in the night, and because my aunt in law is one from everyone’s group, that will lead us to be the major subject in the latest news. After all, we were enjoying our private process and we were wondering if we are crazy or not J

While we were both in the middle of this, the electricity turns off.

In the dark, we were both laughing and sure that we are crazy. Anyway, the dark didn’t stop us from continuing what we had started. Thanks Allah, we didn’t be caught but there was certainly shock look on mom’s face when she opened the refrigerator and saw the sweet ;)

Is there a curfew or there is not?

The day after that, Najma’s friend came to our house as we expected but she only staid for a quarter an hour and her brother called her and said that the policemen said that there is a curfew. Minutes later, her father came to take her and she went without tasting the sweet, without finishing Najma’s photo album, and without open a subject to talk about.

Can you believe this?

An hour later the curfew ended, she is certainly a lucky girl L

Are we chickens or we are not?

There is a fact say there are no cars in the street after 7pm and there is another fact says Iraqi people go to sleep at about 10 pm and the question is: when did the chicken go to sleep, before or after 10?

In my case and in Najma’s case and in the case of each young Iraqi we won’t go to bed before 11 pm because we are * I don’t know* and because other reasons which I don’t really realize them yet but in our parents’ case, oh yeah they do go to bed early. My mom was talking with her brother on the net who live in United Arab emirate and he mentioned that he will go to eat ice cream in the 9 pm, mom told him that she is fighting to keep awake and not sleep till 10 and he was unbelieving that and he questioned “ are you chickens?”

So really are we chickens?

Is it a life or it’s not?

I can’t forget that during Saddam’s time, we were go to eat ice cream everyday after midnight. Oh, I want the old days to come back, I want the old day to come back. I want to see the moon, to see the sky afternoon, to see the hope coming soon, to see the life like a movie cartoon not like a frighten movie night, not like that. I want to be a normal girl, living a normal life. Not this girl who is sitting in front of the computer, writing a diary and trying to be such a funny, lovely girl. I want to take off hnk’s nickname and I want to throw out her bad memories and I want to clean her heart from pain and I want just to be myself and just to talk to myself and just to hear my voice and just to play my role.

I just want to be..

To be someone else

PC: I wonder if she is me who write in this blog or she is not!

And I wonder if she is not, so who is she? I wonder…


Me, myself not I

Friday, October 19, 2007

Just talking

عيد بأي حال عدت يا عيد ….. بما مضى أم لأمـر فيك تجديد

أما الأحبة فالبيـداء دونهم …. فليت دونـك بيد دونهـا بيد

In eleventh of October, the sound of a huge explosion woke me up from my dear sleep. A bomb in van exploded in the neighbourhood near al Sina'a region. Many people died and many people lost their stores and other buildings.

I feel sorry for those who lost their stores and buildings (I have a heart, you know) but am I really feeling sorry for the people who died!! I don't think so (see, I don't really have a heart). I feel sorry for their parents and their children but not for them. Life is not what we look for nor what we seek or what we are good at. I am not sorry because I know that they were not happy.

Life is a game and it's so clear that we are losing it. The people who died are obviously the people who pressed "quit" to end the game. It's maybe unwise to end the game before we finish it, but they win the battle even if they lose the war.

Away from violence, Life will go on and on

(a drowning man will clutch at a straw).


Since we came back from Syria, I and Najma (my sister) spent hours every day trying our new clothes. Hours and hours passed with changing clothes and one question kept repeating itself: when will we really wear this clothes?

Finally the first day of Eid came and I was able to wear my new clothes ( I wondered why the picture of myself wearing those clothes is so familiar!!:)

On the first day of Eid, all my uncles, aunts and cousins came to our house. It's the first Eid after my grandpa's death and it's a tradition to visit the family of the dead person in Al-Eid.

My father's cousin also came to our house. All I did on this first day of Eid was boil water and make coffee. After 7 hours of making coffee and serving it, I was completely tired but really happy indeed.

Now Ramadan and Eid are over and our usual boring life remains and is not over.

Do you know what else is over? This post is over.

So until our next post

Good bye

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Truth will prevail

Salam all,

First I have an announcement:

If you want to make a visit to my house, you are welcome. You can find me in there anytime. I am not going anywhere; I don't intend to go to anywhere. I am not going to lie and say that I don't like going out and making visits but you are a very dear guest. * If you lied once you can make another lie*.

I am spending my holiday in my house. Don't think it's a boring holiday. I am doing all the sort of things that you do.

I sometime go for a walk. Taking some steps from one room to another. From kitchen to guest room, from bedroom to bathroom, and some time I make progress and go to our backyard just for a walk in the garden. You know walking is a good sport.

There is something you don't know about me; it's how much I love music. I think I have a musician ears. I like music, je l'aime.

It seem like the pilots of the American airplanes heard about my interest in the sound of the warplane and military airplane ( not true) but they really seem like they have an order not to let anyone sleep. I am so sorry for disappointing them. I woke up one day and I found myself in love with the sound they make. It's not like other sounds; these sounds are special and they are a natural sound. They are like bed's song . They are not merely an annoying, ugly, awful, hideous sounds and impossible to hear. They help mothers to hush their babies. They help the community to discover the valuable of silence.

If speech was made from silver, then silent is made from gold.

I am not a bookish girl; I never will be. But the situation in Mosul gave me an unwanted present. It's a space time. Therefore I found myself ending reading one book and start to read another. I don't know why I didn't do that ages ago!! Reading is really amusing and a useful habit. I read a police story written by Agatha Kristy. And I read two books of Harry Potter's series and some other stories and useful books. Reading a book is much easier than writing a book, don't you think?

I am still holding tightly what hope I have remaining especially after I survived last night.

At about 1 A.M I went out of my room. I was half asleep and my eyes were nearly closed and there was creature with green evil eyes looking at me. It seemed like it had an invitation to enter my room. It was walking towards me and my room when my brain finally receives a call that this creature is a cat.

"CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!", I shouted loudly and pushed my way back into my room and closed the door behind me and I began to scream and yell for help. " There is a cat in the house!", I shouted and Najma (My sister who knows very well how much I hate cats and how much I am afraid from the sight of them) woke up my father and told him the story.

My father went upstairs where my room is and he saw the cat running from the warehouse's window. He told me that the cat left and that I am safe now, but I insisted that he walk downstairs with me hand-in-hand. My father was very furious and he said to me "You are lucky, the cat didn't eat you".

I don't expect him to be proud of my brave behavior because I was really shaking and full of fears. Anyway, I survived and the cat didn't eat me.

Najma as usual didn't stop giggling at me. Hmm, I miss the old times when I was the brave girl and she was the one who don't have the courage to enter the kitchen without the company of someone. I invented the story that there is a ghost named Shahrurah living in the kitchen and since then, she didn't enter the kitchen alone.

I don't know what the reason that makes the people here feel bored and wishing that they could leave Iraq. Najma, for example, is reading a book called Faster Than The Speed of Light and she is reading something about transport across time !! (I told you she is weird, But you didn't listen!) She wants to live the future without living the present!! *yuk*

Why did anybody want to live in the future since everything is going to worse? why does anybody want to live another second, another hour, and another day?

Who said she will find herself in the future anyway? Who said she will be alive? Who said there will be a life?

It's very difficult to understand the incentives and the reasons that make her think that there will be a better future.

Your friend from present,

H.N.K (The survivor)

Friday, October 05, 2007

The first of October

Remember remember the first of October the Gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why the gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

Remember remember the first of October
The date of disaster, the date of …

The first of November was the first day of going to university after the summer holiday.

Najma (my sister) was so eager to start her second year in her college * what can I say! She is so weird*

My sister, my mother went to Mosul University and my mother planned with Najma that If her lessons end early, she will go to my mother college and they will go back home together and if not, Najma will be waiting for my dad near Najma’s college.

Although Najma is not a good listen girl, she followed the instructions.

At about 1 PM bomb car exploded in the same place where Najma and my dad arrange to meet.

I was in the house numbering the walls in each chamber of it, and guess what? In each chamber, there are 4 walls, not more not less.

I didn’t hear the an explosion but I hear my cell phone ringing (my mobile) and it was my dad who was calling me

- Dad, I am hnk. Is there any place I could be in except home!
- I thought I called your mom... CLOSE THE PHONE
- Ok * It’s not my fault, is it?*

I thought that my mother didn’t meet my father in the place they planned to meet (as usual).

Frankly speaking, my father was calling my mother after he saw a fire and a bomb car in the place where he should meet Najma. So he called my mother to see whether Najma went to my mother’s college and survive or not?

Did she die or did she not? This is the question

She did finish her lessons soon and went to my mother’s college and remain there .There, is where she heard the explosion of the bomb car, there is where my mother sat shocked because she was so close to lose a daughter and there is where Najma found a new and another reason to say when we ask her to do some of house work
-“I was going to die today, and you want me to wash the dishes?? “

They met my dad and ran back home before the police closed the streets.

And while I was studying the theory that says “All chambers have but only one roof”, my cell phone rang again.
She was my mom and she said :
“we are going to see your cousin, bomb car took place near the university and your cousin was injured “

Suddenly and before any warning the tears fell down and my shaking voice said “how is he??”

My mother assured me that he is fine; she said that they didn’t see him yet, but he drove his car by himself and went to his house.

My cousin told them the whole story.
He was shopping in front of the university, buying watermelon, and a car in the next street exploded. He said that the sound was so loud. that he couldn't belive that he still can hear.

After the explosion he found him self lying on the ground far away from the place he was standing and the shop keeper was also lying in the ground but in another side which is also away from where he was.
He said that there was money and watermelons every where.
His clothes had tears and he was injured in his legs.

The situation was so crowded at that moment, there were 6 injured people (4 of them are student) and there was one dead man (he was a teacher in the university) this is the information I heard in the news (of course there were more injured people that are not count (the news couldn’t cover everything) such as my cousin.

My cousin left the place and drove his car to his house before his mother and wife heard the news.

He left the watermelon he bought and his money in the ground as a sign, sign talks and said :

Here is where a man was lying…
Here is where a man left his belonging stuff and took his soul to his child and family. A soul which is maybe a reason of the life of some people.

At the end I could improve the theory: The chamber has but only one roof