Friday, July 28, 2006

When the victims are your ........

When the victim is your uncle:
They built our future..
They gave us life..........
our hopes died when they died....
They are the victims of this war..

Before a couple of days, I was sitting with my family watching TV. At about 11:30, I went to bed. And noticed that I have UN read message in my mobile phone. It was from my friend Maas. I thought it was a normal message; it might be a joke or something like that. I read the message and it said: my family is in a horrible state, my uncle was killed this morning when he was in his way home from the mosque (in Baghdad). The feeling I felt that moment I can't describe, I rush down stare and told my parents and then I went to my bedroom and cry for a long times. I feel very sorry for Maas, she was too busy this month, she went to Baghdad and do an extra examination.

When the victim is your family:
The danger surrounding us all the time but this time was not the same.
hearing a sound of bomb is something we use to, so we don't disturb ourselves and stop doing whatever we are just because a sound of bomb. This time and after a while my father's phone rang. My uncle was on the phone and he told my father that two mortars fell on the roof of his house. He was sleeping on his bed when the explosion took place, at that time a little peaces of the roof fell on his bed and on the floor. His wife said that she didn't aware that the mortar fell on their own house at that moment. She went to the room where she found my uncle sitting on his bed and holding few peaces of stone.

And when the victim is your family:
A new day has come when a bombing car exploded in front of my relatives' house. All the windows and all the doors broken. The explosion was too close from their house and it was too big. Three of my relatives injured and moved to the hospital. They are ok now. But many people lost their life because of that bombing car.

At the beginning of the war, when we heared an explosion, we hold the phone and called all the family and make sure that they are all fine. But now and because the explosion don't stop all the day, we stop calling each others. But when the explosion hurt someone from the family, in this the victims.

When the victim is you:
Our souls live in our hearts..
Our hearts are inside our bodies..
Our bodies living in our homes....
Our homes are our country.........
Our country had been destroyed..
we are the victims of this war...........

I consider all the people living in Iraq victims. And I am a victim because I am living in Iraq. I am a victim because no day passes without hurting me in someway or another. I am a victim because every day makes me weaker. I am a victim because I will be the victim sooner or later.
The people who killed and died, they left Iraq and their suffering.
But we! We are still suffering and we are waiting our turn to die and left Iraq.

When the victim is your niece:
Iraqi children are the victims of the war. Aya is a victim of the war. What will you call a baby of one and a half year's old living under this state??
Could you find a baby at that age know what is generator mean? When the electricity turn off, she began to cry and shouted for generator (generator please turn on... generator please turn on) isn't she a real victim of this war???

No wonder that one of her first words was (the weather is hot).

How funnyis for me to see her suffering. When the electricity turned off and the generator turned off. Aya stand in front of the fan and said the weather is hot, doing all the expression on her face to express her needs. Her needs was not eassy to get but so easy to lose.

Note:this post was written before a week.


S.O.Mebody said...

Dearest HNK,
The things you describe, with such great elloquence and feeling, are heart rendering. You and all Iraqi people and all people everywhere, should have have the right, to live lives of peace and security, without worrying about a bullet hitting then when they go out or a bomb exploding, to live the same sort of ordinary lives, as I am doing now in London. The things you write about, are almost incomprehensible to someone living in the security of London. Only in one tiny respect can I relate to what you describe, in that in July of 2005 in London there were some explosions, in four different locations on the same day, and I remember immediately afterwards I felt frightened and angry, because just mainly for selfish resons, these were bombs in places where I could have been. But the feeling soon wore off, and life for me returned to normal. What you have must be a thousand times worse.

If I cannot relate adequately to your experience, I can remember things my Mother told me, of what it was like to live for six years in a European Country under Nazi occupation, in WWII. Mother's life was in danger all the time, and yet she survived completely safe. What she believed in, and her own Mother believed in was the power of prayer to protect. Now I strongly believe that whether you call on Allah or on God, it is the same Being who answers, that Being of Infinate Love and Compassion. When I have had troubles, admittedly tiny compared to what you have, my mind was ablaze with worry and restlessness, very fast jumbled thoughts, blaming others blaming myself, wishing, wishing, wishing that things could be different. So then I started to pray using ordinary words, just talking to God and asking for help. At first nothing happened, my thoughts still felt as if they were in a washing mashine. Then gradually things began to change, in that my thoughts became a bit more peaceful, and those things I could take care of, I did: those I could not, I left. From my Mother's experience, from my Grandmother's experience, and, more modestly, from my own experience, I can say that prayer for yourself and for others is very powerful. It does not mean you have to pray and pray continuously. There is a beautiful English prayer I was taught at School "Oh God, if during my busy day I do not have time to remember You, please still remember me."
I pray for you HNK and all Iraqi people.



Sincerity said...

Hi, this is the first time I comment here, but your piece was very touching. I just wanted to say I’m very sorry about what happened to your family, I think every Iraqi has now become a victim of the war, and what’s become the bloody aftermath, which seems to have no end? Each individual suffers his or her own way, I don’t think its possible to speak to an Iraqi mother or brother or uncle who will not tell you that they have lost someone close to their hearts. But I still acknowledge the fact that to hear of the problem is wholly different to living it. I wish you the very best of luck for the future, know that our prayers are with you, and everyone in Iraq.

Yours, Sincerity

Unknown said...

Basically I agree with s.o.mebody (what an interesting name). the only problem, is our impatience for God to do may take more human time before "wrongs are righted" and justice is served.

During time, from what I have read in the Holy Books, is that we must learn to accept what is happening, with resignation to the Will of God. Yes, this sounds easy for me to say, and my wife would say, Americans are THE MOST demanding of INSTANT gratification of any people she has met...So, I can't say that I have mastered the idea of acceptance to God's will. I also believe we are supposed to do everything in our power to change things, and then at the end of the day leave the rest of the unfinished business to GOD. He knows what is going on.

Patience, acceptance. Study, Hnk, for by studying you are preparing your self for when this terrible mess is over enough for you to get out. Study literature too. Don't sit there with your Chemistry and Physics books only. ;-) Study life.
keep a journal. And look for something to make you happy.
Hey, you might get another card.

Libby said...

What a lengthy, well written and well presented post, hnk.
But it's sad. So very, very sad.

I can only hope that some day, some how you will be filled happiness not pain.


David said...

Hnk, would you please tell Maas that I send her my deepest condolance for the loss of her uncle. Thank you.

As I read your post, your words help me to realize what it is like for you living in Iraq. I wish all people in America could feel what you are feeling. Most people here really don't understand what their government has done. I think a lot of them don't care, either. But, I am not one of those people, I do care! Thinking of little Aya as a victim makes me feel very sad. All my best wishes for you and your family.

Unknown said...

today, on my walk, I noticed my first gardenia in full bloom. It was there, a small patch of white near the ground, turning upward from under the green shadows.

I stopped, 'a gardenia'; I thought about its fragrance..someone in Haifa used to love this flower more than the others in the garden.

What a simple life, to bloom and transform every bit of one's self, totally, completely, for the sake of making this space more beautiful. So there becomes no stench of self, only Self on fire. and the outcome is such wonder filled fragrance.

In just a few short weeks,
the work is done.
Only to rise again in the next year, in the very same place, repeating the same lines, acts, postures, as though for the first time, total dedication, no reservation from any feelings of a lack of appreciation from the year before; No demands for attention. What a simple life ;-)

The fragrance, for me makes me think of the Near East...So I wonder, Hnk if the flower is blooming in your area as well now?

What does the scent remind you of?

S.O.Mebody said...

Dearest HNK,
I just read what EdoRiver, had to say about the gardenia. Here is a link to Wikipedia Commons, which is the picture section of Wikipedia, and it is a beautiful picture of a white gardenia. It is a tiny gesture to you, who are suffering in the abnormal situation you are in, on hehalf of all those who are in those parts of the world where there is day to day peace on their street. All our Love "memoirs-of-somebody"

Anonymous said...

Dear HNK,

I am very sorry to hear that you have lost a member of your extended family and all the bad things that the war has brought on you and other innocent people in Iraq.

Sometimes I read you blog to make myself feel better, I mean, the kinds of misery I experience in my life is nothing compared to what you are and others victim's of the war is going through.

I would very much hope that you keep writing the blog and be an inspiration. Not any war brought us justice, but I really do hope that this chaos will soon be over for the sake of the young generation and their bright future.

With Warm Regards,

Unknown said...

So, Hnk, lets try to think about something other than what is happening outside your windows....
Let's talk about August. Before the war, what did August mean for you?
I will begin.
I know its august here in this small far away suburb of Tokyo because we enter the SEASON OF THE PIZZA WARS!

The Pizza wars happen every August that I have lived here. There are 4 Pizza delivery shops here in this area of town. Is that too many? I don't know. But during August they print up these full color flyers on good quality paper and deliver them by hand to all the mailboxes they can. One is Pizza Hut, and they will offer some cute toys if you buy their regular sized pizza. Another Is Pizza LA, really, Los Angles Pizza here in Saitama ;-) and they will offer the sushi and seaweed flavored pizza at a discount. And then there is Pizza ToGo, they will have discount coupons to use 1 for each week of August on selected Pizzas. And finally the 4th, what is their name???? well, they will have a marketing gimmick too. Corn pizza? Have you ever had baked corn sprinkled on the top of your pizza? Japanese pizza has alot of unique combinations not found in the US. Did you eat pizza ???

Unknown said...

Hnk, Another comment, that is not about war and death and so on.
What are the sounds of August, before the war?
August sounds in Japan.
If you were to go bicycle riding, in the afternoon, its hot, and humid. The green is a rich green all around, if you are out in the countryside. there are few sounds, because of the heat, and the humidity. BUT beginning about 4PM as the temperature cools, there is a new sound. An ancient sound,
The sound of drums and flutes. Only this drums and flutes. There are two kinds of Japanese drums. And there is one kind of flute, a soprano tone flute.
The drummer sometimes beats the sides of the drum, with the drum sticks, called "Bachi". this beat is a 1-2-3-4-5-6 beat for each beat of the drum sometimes. Along with this sound is the "bell" that is beat with a stick during the frestival,I can hear the sounds of this music now, though the windows are closed for the air-condiditioning, I can hear only the flutes and drums far away in the distance. The music is dance music that is traditional for the Japanese circle dance. All of the women in our area wear yukata, summer kimono, and the men have a "jimbei" I have 3 that my mother in law made for me. BUt they don't look so good on me...The sleeves and shorts are not long enough, probably. This music practice occurs in various places, under the overpass of expressways, in public hall basement, outside under a large tree. Anywhere that will not disturb the neighbors, because the rythym is constant, without variation as the drummers build up endurance. Obon is the time to honor ones' ancestors. To visit the grave sides of our family and offer fresh flowers and prayers for their spirits. We believe they come here during this time of year to evaluate our lives, Have we progressed? Have we caused any sadness? The dance into the night is a circle around a high and narrow square music stage for the musicians, and a lower stage for one or two model dancers. Every area has their own special dance, some of the differences are very small, so new people can easily learn the various steps.
If there is a large street festival
which our town has recently begun, a few years ago, then dancers come from many different regions, and you can see the various styles of dance all together. The jimbei and Yukata worn by the dancers are a kind of uniform, it changes for the young people from year to year. Older dancers wear unchanging styles that go back dozens or hundreds of years?? The costumes are very conservative generally, even for the young women, This means they should have sleeves and the length of the leg patterns are long enough, to the knee, usually.
There are bells, like sleigh bells that some dance groups have or wear on their wrists, and this is a pattern of play for everyone in the group. The different groups have a leader and a small mobile stage on a "rice truck" that is decorated and covered like an "American float". This leader guides the dancers and may entertain in some way with his own dance.
Recently many modern variations, including hip-hop styles have become popular among the younger dancers. Last year I became really tired with one hip-hop group after another, all seemed the same, all tried to copy the current fashion national singer. I suppose I can expect the same this year ;-(
However it is good to see the younger students of jr. high and sr, high and elementary ages enjoying themselves with their parents and friends. Eating flavored ice, baked potatoes, and playing other festival booth games. said...

dearest hnk: i want you to know there is not a day that goes by without thoughts of you coming to mind. i keep up with you and miss you when you don't have time or opportunity to write your blog. it is my constant hope that you be surrounded in a loving, brilliant light of protection. may your country, your people and you come out of this hell swiftly with your hearts, minds and bodies whole. peace be with you, hnk. i am sorry for what my country's leaders have brought upon you.

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