Don't destroy my Memories, Places,Houses, Mosques and university.
They Fire a flame in my heart, a flame that can't faint out with days.
No words can turn it back nor consol my sadness for this big loss.
They destroyed My university/ Mosul university.
Air strike targeted ISIS at University of Mosul and Destroyed it. Looking at the negative side:
This is the place where i first met my husband and where we fell in love with each other.
the place where i learned and studies for five amazing un forgettable years.
The place where my success firstly tasted and hurtly left me after flees.
With everytime i just remember the video i saw of the boobs hitting my university, i fell in a deepe and deepe depression.
with you i will share this graduation photo of me
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at my college:
Mosul pharmacy college/ University of Mosul/ Iraq
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Friday, March 18, 2016
East or West; OUTSIDE Iraq is the best
In a sudden; they left
with toddler hesitated steps, they crawled
their moves were done with silence,
And their destination were to anywhere.
Some readers asked me why i didn't choose another Iraqi city to live in after fleeing my hometown
To be more honest:
If you are Sunni Moslawi :
There is no place for you to live in Iraq anymore.
Those who choose to stay; they beard the high rent prices, high cost of living in Kurdistan and the bad treatment in police station to get the security permission to stay in kurdistan for one month. Those people are:
1- Either not having passport or didn't get a visa to go to other place
2- or their children have to finish their college in Kirkuk or Erbil.
In my case; i was lucky to have visa to Jordan since i have a Jordanian sibling and i was more lucky to have a great high license in Pharmacy but luck didn't help me In Jordan since i am restricted with Jordan's laws that prohibit me from practicing my work, restricted my residency with fees (2$ for person a day) even if i was counted with refugees under UNHCR protection.
At the end; i reach to a conviction that there is no Moslawi comfortable with his situation and we are all chasing our dreams and being chased by ISIS curse.
can anybody help us? PLEASE
with toddler hesitated steps, they crawled
their moves were done with silence,
And their destination were to anywhere.
Some readers asked me why i didn't choose another Iraqi city to live in after fleeing my hometown
First of all during the day of all this rubbish happened, the whole thing was not an optional for us. we fled to where the road took us. Duhok was the nearest safe place to us.We were accompanied with our Kurdi neighbor who could sponsor us to get into Duhok city.
Yes, it's true that Duhok is an Iraqi city but yet so far we can't get into it without being checked by eye prints and giving full ID name and picture. This is done for each Arabian Iraqi person trying to enter it's border before the fall of Mosul even happened !
And after the fall of Mosul the things were pretty much harder. without having a sponsor Kurdi inside Duhok, you have no right to enter the city.
Peoples who didn't have sponsor were left out the border, later were moved into a camps.
Staying in Duhok was hard and illegally possible.Even with the aid of our sponsor we couldn't get un limited residency time there.
Fleeing into Baghdad was even worse option. althought I have my grandpa's house there but the house is empty from it's owners. I visited Baghdad in may 2013 for 3 hours only and I left in the same day because it was so danger to stay with all fake checkpoints in Baghdad to filter Sunni's people.I visited Baghdad one other time on February 2014 when I chose to travel by airplane since it is no longer safe road for Sunni Iraqi to get into Baghdad. During this visit I didn't talk a world with the people in the streets because I have pure Moslawi accent that can't be missed. I returned back as soon as I finished my work there.
Moreover Baghdad followed the steps of Kurdistan and didn't allow Moslawies after june 2014 to enter without having a sponsor !!!
To be more honest:
If you are Sunni Moslawi :
There is no place for you to live in Iraq anymore.
Those who choose to stay; they beard the high rent prices, high cost of living in Kurdistan and the bad treatment in police station to get the security permission to stay in kurdistan for one month. Those people are:
1- Either not having passport or didn't get a visa to go to other place
2- or their children have to finish their college in Kirkuk or Erbil.
In my case; i was lucky to have visa to Jordan since i have a Jordanian sibling and i was more lucky to have a great high license in Pharmacy but luck didn't help me In Jordan since i am restricted with Jordan's laws that prohibit me from practicing my work, restricted my residency with fees (2$ for person a day) even if i was counted with refugees under UNHCR protection.
At the end; i reach to a conviction that there is no Moslawi comfortable with his situation and we are all chasing our dreams and being chased by ISIS curse.
can anybody help us? PLEASE
Tuesday, March 08, 2016
What days will bring to Mosul !?
This is part two of "Mosul in my heart and in my heart it will be kept safe"
* Moslawies = Mosul's residence
We nearly stopped hearing news of Mosul from our relatives in Mosul. Whenever we asked them about the situation,their answers keep with hints and they tried to change the subject!
-Don't use your last name on facebook! -Aha Ok
-Don't tag us to any news concerning Mosul ! - I understand
-Don't mention their name * you know who* on your speak or letters to us. - I won't
-Don't like or share Posts about explosions or news of Mosul. - !!!!!
And -Don't let us complain about life under their state. - :(
And Don't ... Don't ...Don't
Don't what!?
Don't remember your origin? Don't remember your beloved?
Don't write! I must sit!? watching?
أ ينام الليل من سرقوا بلاده !؟
In respond to all their guidance; All I ask:
- Don't Die ! and if it is possible just keep safe!
I can feel the distance between us get wider. I don't like this,
It's hurting me not writing to them and not writing about them!.
Mosul in my heart and in my prayers and it will always be kept safe there to where it belong.
Rumors trading a week ago between peoples and in the news that there is a curfew in Mosul, ISIS started leaving their stations and the liberation war are on the doors! unfortunately; nothing from that ever happened. From the fall of Mosul on 2014 the government said there is a liberation plan on the doors. Same lies are being tell every month. Mosul get nothing from Iraqi government except cut the road into and out of the city, stop the salary of people inside. Not caring about what Moslawies will have left at the end.
The Government saying lies to make their face innocent in-front of the worlds.
Moslawies people inside Mosul and out side it didn't taste the sleep one and a half years ago and again
!?أ ينام الليل من سرقوا بلاده
There are always a late evening party in Mosul! That's what my relatives said to reach out the idea that there are shelling on Mosul.
People in Mosul are asked ( by you know who) to collect and save their identification and properties' papers on file and save copy on CD's_this put Moslawies afraid that there will be a mandatory exodus.
Moslawies ( people in Mosul) are aware that there will be a bloody battle in order to liberate Mosul. But For them they have nothing to lose. The city is already destroyed and free from souls. And those persons walking on the streets are either ghosts from ISIS or shades from Moslawies overwhelmed on themselves.
when the warriors didn't lift his sword:
Orphans slept in the streets,
The child didn't born in it's country of nation.
The bride didn't wear her white dress,
At the end: I have a promise for my city that I had been living in:
You will live inside me forever, Mosul is in my heart and in my Moslawie heart I will keep it safe.
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
* Moslawies = Mosul's residence
We nearly stopped hearing news of Mosul from our relatives in Mosul. Whenever we asked them about the situation,their answers keep with hints and they tried to change the subject!
-Don't use your last name on facebook! -Aha Ok
-Don't tag us to any news concerning Mosul ! - I understand
-Don't mention their name * you know who* on your speak or letters to us. - I won't
-Don't like or share Posts about explosions or news of Mosul. - !!!!!
And -Don't let us complain about life under their state. - :(
And Don't ... Don't ...Don't
Don't what!?
Don't remember your origin? Don't remember your beloved?
Don't write! I must sit!? watching?
أ ينام الليل من سرقوا بلاده !؟
In respond to all their guidance; All I ask:
- Don't Die ! and if it is possible just keep safe!
I can feel the distance between us get wider. I don't like this,
It's hurting me not writing to them and not writing about them!.
Mosul in my heart and in my prayers and it will always be kept safe there to where it belong.
Rumors trading a week ago between peoples and in the news that there is a curfew in Mosul, ISIS started leaving their stations and the liberation war are on the doors! unfortunately; nothing from that ever happened. From the fall of Mosul on 2014 the government said there is a liberation plan on the doors. Same lies are being tell every month. Mosul get nothing from Iraqi government except cut the road into and out of the city, stop the salary of people inside. Not caring about what Moslawies will have left at the end.
The Government saying lies to make their face innocent in-front of the worlds.
Moslawies people inside Mosul and out side it didn't taste the sleep one and a half years ago and again
!?أ ينام الليل من سرقوا بلاده
There are always a late evening party in Mosul! That's what my relatives said to reach out the idea that there are shelling on Mosul.
People in Mosul are asked ( by you know who) to collect and save their identification and properties' papers on file and save copy on CD's_this put Moslawies afraid that there will be a mandatory exodus.
Moslawies ( people in Mosul) are aware that there will be a bloody battle in order to liberate Mosul. But For them they have nothing to lose. The city is already destroyed and free from souls. And those persons walking on the streets are either ghosts from ISIS or shades from Moslawies overwhelmed on themselves.
when the warriors didn't lift his sword:
Orphans slept in the streets,
The child didn't born in it's country of nation.
The bride didn't wear her white dress,
The city turned into a jungle.
and The mouth kept thirsty from calling for rescue..
And the worlds, Shame on the worlds who forget Mosul and forget Moslawies.At the end: I have a promise for my city that I had been living in:
You will live inside me forever, Mosul is in my heart and in my Moslawie heart I will keep it safe.
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Tuesday, March 01, 2016
Mosul is in my heart and in my heart will be kept save
firstly on my early days in blogging i were writing about politics. i wrote many of my opinions that were proven to be incorrect and many of my thoughts that were changed in respond to my whole life events.
For example; I regret writing badly about Sadam because for me as 26 Iraqi person: i never knew a president before him nor a person worth to hold the term( President) followed after Sadam.
I regret my appeal for American soldiers to leave Iraq since those came after from Shia's sectarian Army, SWAT and ISIS were worse and worse and worse.
I regret cursing my life when i had family, home, and Jobe ! And most of all;
i regret not leaving Iraq earlier by my choice not like the way i fled; frighten, sacrificing and completly lost !
I promised not to write again about politics but after all, i must change my mind temporary and writing about politics,hoping this won't cost me my life ! i will write about what are hidden from news that people around the world don't know. things that are going on in Mosul that no body hear of!
The ISIS Attack to Syria took a wide, extensive area in the media and Mosul's attack took a little! i feel shocked when i met people here in Jordan don't have an Idea that ISIS really attack Mosul!! yes i am serious. many of them don't know that.
I am an example of people who give up listening to news 10 years ago but after the events in 2014 i felt i have to know everything and in urgent! but that's didn't work. it seems that no body is understanding what is going on. the whole things goes as scenario of a pre-drawn plan to divide Iraq! or to erase Mosul from map maybe!
The first crimes of ISIS in Mosul was exploding many of BOTH churches AND Mosques. exploding historical monuments followed after.The militarian aviation from the other side are shelling large building of the government and universities in their believe that ISIS's soldiers are living there.
what's really happen is that many shelling killed many inoscent Mosul's residents and that ISIS knows prior to the begin of the shelling the possibility of being hit and so they leave the areas!
In addition to all that; Mosul's dam are now subject to collapse ! Mosul residents are now between the devil (ISIS) and the deep blue river crises .
Mosul's residence who didn't fled are divided into groups:
1- Those didn't fled because they were ill or elderly ( yes; for me as a person who fled Mosul: we all had to leave the car somewhere and walk on our feet for a large distance and i was lucky that i didn't slept on the streets like some)
2- Those who didn't believe that NO ACTION will be made. The country of neanderthal? Sumerian and Asur's culture don't have army to stand against few hundreds of extraneous terrorist group!
*the most painful point is that sectarian's army that ran from Mosul with the first few hours from the attack were paid monies enough to raise a state budget*
3- Those that their love to Mosul stand against their fears ( Die with Dignity take over the humiliating life). As a Moslawi refugee i can tell : yes it's humiliating to have no country!
Those three groups are now suffering from not only the absence of water most of the days but also from the lack of salary income and shortage of some food stuff and the absence of other except those locally manufactured.
Those groups of people are stuck in the hell that was ignited one and a half year ago. They can't go out of Mosul nor anyone can send helping stuffs or money to them. we can't call them! nor can hear their real stories on the internet social media as I heard that ISIS impose severe control on the internet connection and those who wrote against ISIS were executed.
In the end of this post; all what i have left to say is a quote from a poet:
" I was exiled from my coountry and the strangers settled instead And destroyed all my beloved things"
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
For example; I regret writing badly about Sadam because for me as 26 Iraqi person: i never knew a president before him nor a person worth to hold the term( President) followed after Sadam.
I regret my appeal for American soldiers to leave Iraq since those came after from Shia's sectarian Army, SWAT and ISIS were worse and worse and worse.
I regret cursing my life when i had family, home, and Jobe ! And most of all;
i regret not leaving Iraq earlier by my choice not like the way i fled; frighten, sacrificing and completly lost !
I promised not to write again about politics but after all, i must change my mind temporary and writing about politics,hoping this won't cost me my life ! i will write about what are hidden from news that people around the world don't know. things that are going on in Mosul that no body hear of!
The ISIS Attack to Syria took a wide, extensive area in the media and Mosul's attack took a little! i feel shocked when i met people here in Jordan don't have an Idea that ISIS really attack Mosul!! yes i am serious. many of them don't know that.
I am an example of people who give up listening to news 10 years ago but after the events in 2014 i felt i have to know everything and in urgent! but that's didn't work. it seems that no body is understanding what is going on. the whole things goes as scenario of a pre-drawn plan to divide Iraq! or to erase Mosul from map maybe!
The first crimes of ISIS in Mosul was exploding many of BOTH churches AND Mosques. exploding historical monuments followed after.The militarian aviation from the other side are shelling large building of the government and universities in their believe that ISIS's soldiers are living there.
what's really happen is that many shelling killed many inoscent Mosul's residents and that ISIS knows prior to the begin of the shelling the possibility of being hit and so they leave the areas!
In addition to all that; Mosul's dam are now subject to collapse ! Mosul residents are now between the devil (ISIS) and the deep blue river crises .
Mosul's residence who didn't fled are divided into groups:
1- Those didn't fled because they were ill or elderly ( yes; for me as a person who fled Mosul: we all had to leave the car somewhere and walk on our feet for a large distance and i was lucky that i didn't slept on the streets like some)
2- Those who didn't believe that NO ACTION will be made. The country of neanderthal? Sumerian and Asur's culture don't have army to stand against few hundreds of extraneous terrorist group!
*the most painful point is that sectarian's army that ran from Mosul with the first few hours from the attack were paid monies enough to raise a state budget*
3- Those that their love to Mosul stand against their fears ( Die with Dignity take over the humiliating life). As a Moslawi refugee i can tell : yes it's humiliating to have no country!
Those three groups are now suffering from not only the absence of water most of the days but also from the lack of salary income and shortage of some food stuff and the absence of other except those locally manufactured.
Those groups of people are stuck in the hell that was ignited one and a half year ago. They can't go out of Mosul nor anyone can send helping stuffs or money to them. we can't call them! nor can hear their real stories on the internet social media as I heard that ISIS impose severe control on the internet connection and those who wrote against ISIS were executed.
In the end of this post; all what i have left to say is a quote from a poet:
" I was exiled from my coountry and the strangers settled instead And destroyed all my beloved things"
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
"when i was just a little girl i asked my mother what will i be?
will i be pretty! will i be rich !"
Is this what all matter? "Will i be pretty?"
what a victory ha!, this is what i called * stupid inocient *
pretty refugee; holding her daughter in one hand and in the other; holding her pharmacy licence .. walking in the street of Amman like a missing annonymous.
I am moving with my parents from one flat to another; trying to find something they called " comfort" and " home". I am counting days down to the time i can define my future plans .
I Hardly can see my husband; i am suffering from his being far away from us and not in a safe place as well. Ramtha is where he works is located near borderline of syria. unfortunately some shells fell by mistake on Ramtha every now and then.
nowadays;I hardly find time to write a new post. i am busy with my daughter; she had three new teeth this week!!! and she loves to start walking; she is moving few steps and then falling apart.
I feel lonly with my inner thoughts. what a world! i never think that life will go this far with me! i am giving my best after all. i am trying everything. knocking every doors infront of me to get ride from this EMPTY hole! I registered in UNHCR I ,applied for humanitarian immigration to Australia, i applied for diversity visas. i will be very glad if anyone just can help me with a thoughts! opinions maybe . I need a miracle to get out of here..
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Is this what all matter? "Will i be pretty?"
what a victory ha!, this is what i called * stupid inocient *
pretty refugee; holding her daughter in one hand and in the other; holding her pharmacy licence .. walking in the street of Amman like a missing annonymous.
I am moving with my parents from one flat to another; trying to find something they called " comfort" and " home". I am counting days down to the time i can define my future plans .
I Hardly can see my husband; i am suffering from his being far away from us and not in a safe place as well. Ramtha is where he works is located near borderline of syria. unfortunately some shells fell by mistake on Ramtha every now and then.
nowadays;I hardly find time to write a new post. i am busy with my daughter; she had three new teeth this week!!! and she loves to start walking; she is moving few steps and then falling apart.
I feel lonly with my inner thoughts. what a world! i never think that life will go this far with me! i am giving my best after all. i am trying everything. knocking every doors infront of me to get ride from this EMPTY hole! I registered in UNHCR I ,applied for humanitarian immigration to Australia, i applied for diversity visas. i will be very glad if anyone just can help me with a thoughts! opinions maybe . I need a miracle to get out of here..
Monday, January 25, 2016
Happy Birthday my sweet heart!
On the 3rd of june 2014 it was my 25 birthday.
It was one of my worse birthday ever but at that day; i had nothing to wish except to be a mother; to have a baby of my own, to have a child that fill my life with laughts.
soon in 9th of June; i lost my life, I lost my everything.
yes;I am living in a horrible situations now and i had many many wishes for my next birthday but i will never switche my present with the past.
I had lost many but i have gained "Dima" my little daughter is my new life; she is the cause of my living, the cause of my passions and the reason why i tolerated so much and still hold out the decision of fleeing and being a refugees.
For the sake of my daughter; i will keep moving on and working on myself and looking for a place to ensure her the "Home"and "life " that every child deserve.
I had been working all the previous week to do a birthday party of "my dream", i invited all relatives I had in Jordan ( Most of them were living in Baghdad and fled to Jordan after the war in 2003) .
It was a great party that get many compliment from the visitors.
I baked cookies; donuts; and cupcakes. I made desert: teramisue, fruit salat and Rafaello balls.
The table was so rich of calories and i was proud of what i done
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Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Lighting a candle
In the middle of this empty hole. I have to keep focusing on the top and to light a candle instead of cursing the dark.
today i am trying to appreciate what i have instead of crying on my lost.
i am keeping myself busy with my daughter and the prepiration for her first birthday. it will be on 21 of this month , but i will do the birthday party on the day after since her father won't be here on the big day.
Everybody are invited to attend the party ( friday evening at 5 pm. in Amman/ Jordan) yes yes including youuu and i am serious!
I did a lists of sweets that i must bake; i love baking and i enjoy cooking and spending time in kitchen.
I also love the kind of tired that follow a day full of work; that's kind of tiredness that came alone in solo without thoughts, without memories and without hurts.
These days i am working to change things to better; i don't need to remind myself of how bad it is and how difficult it will be to change it. i need encouragement; supports and pleasant wishes.
write me a comment, a letter maybe.
I really need you!
Pc: for those interesting in coming to the party; write me an email and will tell you the full adress.
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
" I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now, from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed "
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Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Sunday, December 27, 2015
memories erase
This is what I need really, those pictures in
my head is torturing me
Pictures from the past, past enough to be in
Iraq but not that much to be in peace since that happened loooong long ago and
had been removed with crowds.
Pictures that I want to forget are not
miserable to be sad about, not even regrettable to take lessons from.
Those that remain here in my head are those
attached with heart, those that shedding down my tears everynight.they are the sounds of
family gathering in Eids greeting and relieving
each other's grief. The laughs of my nieces and my nephews , Oh I missed them
to death
They are the hand of friend that used to pull
off my tears and make me able to overcome my problems. The hand of "Noor" that still pulling off my tears but only in
dreams.
They are my old life routines, but they are not
boring to me now !
it is my early awake to go to my job in
Hospital, My JOB oh God I miss working and gaining money and shopping with my own
money and having my own
money L
I missed my small apartment, I won't say it's
so small anymore. I miss my bedroom , it was as white as we need our life to
be.
I miss my private pharmacy, I don't know why I am
crying when I am writing about it, I only opened it for 20 days and then ISIS
came and my efforts and my husband tiredness gone in vain .
It was our mutual goal. It was the pharmacy of
my dream, isn't it what every pharmacist dream ?
I miss counting the days down till my parent's
day visit come and go there to spend the very few hour before my husband came
to take me off because it is not safe to be out of house after 8 pm !!?
I miss watching movies with my husband although
the electricity may turn off and you may lose the interest in completing the
rest of it in the next day!
I miss streets, although they are always
closed, always crowded and always risky !
I miss Mosul biggest and oldest Mosque " Jami al nabi younis" although
I only entered it twice, but it was the blessed that gone when ISIS attacked the city
After all, things I miss are mostly
changed
Most of, are not worthy to feel sorry
about
But
every little details of them living with me, hurting me from the inside and
that's maybe why I have no intent to return back to where those memories came
from. And I have no wish to live them again.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
SOS "Save Our Souls"
"Sometimes you don't want to know the end,because how could the end be happy? how could you as a person turn back to the one you was when so much bad had happened!!
how could I laugh again when I gave up smilling for months!
How could I start a life when my own one was taken off by an ISIS in a sudden?!
How could I stand up on my feet again when everything I was working for: my license as a pharmacist, my car , my pharmacy and my small apartment went with our lost's Mosul ?
how could I live "motherhood" with a Mom living under the ISIS abuse!
How could I give my expected baby a "life" from a died soul !
How could I gave her "peace" when I was living my fears !
And how could I be her home when I don't have a home !
yes, i was so afraid. I was feeling so empty inside when in fact I had a " baby girl" inside !!
But in the other hand I was busy counting days down and waiting . I was waithing for a change since I was in the middle of dead sea and things no matter how bad they goes; they can't be worse.
In the middle of that dark and long nights; my parents with my old, sick grandmother successfully ran away from the occupied Mosul and came to Jordan through a very dangerous road.
My parents being next beside me helped me so much but not enough to complete my pregnancy period.When I was on my 36 week of pregnancy, "Dima" my daughter was born through caesarean section on 21 of January 2015.I felt so blessed to have her safe as I have been told before the surgery that I lost the baby.
She was 1900 Gr(4 pound) in weight , she looked tiny and weak but luckily was healthy. Raising her up to this day was so much hard because of turbulent situations we have passed through as my sick grandmother died after struggling parkinsonism for years.
Nowaday , I'm living with my daughter and my parents in Amman / Jordan away from my husband "Hasan" who had to move to "Ramtha" far in the north where is the only place to have a chance to work because of liecence issues.As I have told you in my previous posts, we proposed a request to the united nations (UNHCR) to seek asylum . We are refugees in Jordan since July 2014,since when our case didn't proceed any step.Waiting the case to reach resettlement stage seems like waiting forever.
The little salary of my husband and the indefinite future we could give to our daughter put us in a terrible emotional situation. I am almost not sleeping , I can't stop thinking . There are that empty holes inside , the inferior feeling that I can't give my daughter the future that every human deserve . I don't want her life to be a copy _paste of my old scary life memories .
I MUST DO SOMETHING!!
Turn the page ! no that won't be enough..
I shall change the book , the writer , the editor and just keep the charecter (no body can be the heroes of the other's life).
I sale 25 years of my life to buy peace , being a refugee guarantees this for me but resettlement in another country is the only way to start a new peaceful life .
There is no clear view about how long the resettlement will take , I can't build my life here in jordan as being non-jordanian make you rightsless, you can't get legal job lieceince or drive liecence , the only thing that Jordan offer to help you is to vaccinate your baby for free.
Thinking about illegal immigration seems like suicide for me , of course it is not worse than waiting this long-term resettlement but it will be my last choice since I can't ever put my daughter in that shoes or let's say a boat!
So illegal immigration .....................................had been cancelled.
Our case in UNHCR.................................... on pending since one and a half year.
Community proposal pilot to australia ........who will sponsor us? how can i get an approved proposing organizations?
SO WHAT TO DO?!
Any reader , focus with me please ! i do really need your help , give me your recommendations to solve my situations , let my voice be heared by media ,share this post with your friends , connect me to any organizations that can support me .
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
And just keep praying.... how could I laugh again when I gave up smilling for months!
How could I start a life when my own one was taken off by an ISIS in a sudden?!
How could I stand up on my feet again when everything I was working for: my license as a pharmacist, my car , my pharmacy and my small apartment went with our lost's Mosul ?
how could I live "motherhood" with a Mom living under the ISIS abuse!
How could I give my expected baby a "life" from a died soul !
How could I gave her "peace" when I was living my fears !
And how could I be her home when I don't have a home !
yes, i was so afraid. I was feeling so empty inside when in fact I had a " baby girl" inside !!
But in the other hand I was busy counting days down and waiting . I was waithing for a change since I was in the middle of dead sea and things no matter how bad they goes; they can't be worse.
In the middle of that dark and long nights; my parents with my old, sick grandmother successfully ran away from the occupied Mosul and came to Jordan through a very dangerous road.
My parents being next beside me helped me so much but not enough to complete my pregnancy period.When I was on my 36 week of pregnancy, "Dima" my daughter was born through caesarean section on 21 of January 2015.I felt so blessed to have her safe as I have been told before the surgery that I lost the baby.
She was 1900 Gr(4 pound) in weight , she looked tiny and weak but luckily was healthy. Raising her up to this day was so much hard because of turbulent situations we have passed through as my sick grandmother died after struggling parkinsonism for years.
Nowaday , I'm living with my daughter and my parents in Amman / Jordan away from my husband "Hasan" who had to move to "Ramtha" far in the north where is the only place to have a chance to work because of liecence issues.As I have told you in my previous posts, we proposed a request to the united nations (UNHCR) to seek asylum . We are refugees in Jordan since July 2014,since when our case didn't proceed any step.Waiting the case to reach resettlement stage seems like waiting forever.
The little salary of my husband and the indefinite future we could give to our daughter put us in a terrible emotional situation. I am almost not sleeping , I can't stop thinking . There are that empty holes inside , the inferior feeling that I can't give my daughter the future that every human deserve . I don't want her life to be a copy _paste of my old scary life memories .
I MUST DO SOMETHING!!
Turn the page ! no that won't be enough..
I shall change the book , the writer , the editor and just keep the charecter (no body can be the heroes of the other's life).
I sale 25 years of my life to buy peace , being a refugee guarantees this for me but resettlement in another country is the only way to start a new peaceful life .
There is no clear view about how long the resettlement will take , I can't build my life here in jordan as being non-jordanian make you rightsless, you can't get legal job lieceince or drive liecence , the only thing that Jordan offer to help you is to vaccinate your baby for free.
Thinking about illegal immigration seems like suicide for me , of course it is not worse than waiting this long-term resettlement but it will be my last choice since I can't ever put my daughter in that shoes or let's say a boat!
So illegal immigration .....................................had been cancelled.
Our case in UNHCR.................................... on pending since one and a half year.
Community proposal pilot to australia ........who will sponsor us? how can i get an approved proposing organizations?
SO WHAT TO DO?!
Any reader , focus with me please ! i do really need your help , give me your recommendations to solve my situations , let my voice be heared by media ,share this post with your friends , connect me to any organizations that can support me .
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Saturday, August 09, 2014
A cry
,
You gave me strength but always after pain
You taught me to fight but mostly in vain.
I am alife,
Yes , My heart is beating
but my breath is stand still.
You gave me strength but always after pain
You taught me to fight but mostly in vain.
I am alife,
Yes , My heart is beating
but my breath is stand still.
I lost the words to write about my story, to write about the lilly of my desert, to write about the beauty of my parents eyes and the warmth that their sounds gived to my heart.
I lost the words to write about the pain of my country .
And how scared I was within it and how lost I am without.
I really can't express my feeling now but something inside me died with days and as I guess nothing could ever give me more hurt and pain than I already have.
I lost the words to write about the pain of my country .
And how scared I was within it and how lost I am without.
I really can't express my feeling now but something inside me died with days and as I guess nothing could ever give me more hurt and pain than I already have.
#in a matter of days, I turned from an iraqi pharmacist from hight social class in Mosul to a refugee pregnant woman with no job, no home adress and only 2000$
# a person who are counting the days to have a call from the IOM to get an appointment for interview which simply may take a year or so till the IOM will decide whether I deserve to have a station in US to start my life over again or not. That's include to study and certify my pharmacy degree over again !
# I am abviously have a chronic depression eposide and have no close person to talk to ,since all persons I know are already living their own tragedy.
# I lost my uncle in the middle of this.
# I lost *well all of us lost* the best historical and islamic mosque in Mosul due to ISIS attack.
I didn't only leave mosul, Mosul left me back, old memories, places and friends all left me. I am alone all alone.
# a person who are counting the days to have a call from the IOM to get an appointment for interview which simply may take a year or so till the IOM will decide whether I deserve to have a station in US to start my life over again or not. That's include to study and certify my pharmacy degree over again !
# I am abviously have a chronic depression eposide and have no close person to talk to ,since all persons I know are already living their own tragedy.
# I lost my uncle in the middle of this.
# I lost *well all of us lost* the best historical and islamic mosque in Mosul due to ISIS attack.
I didn't only leave mosul, Mosul left me back, old memories, places and friends all left me. I am alone all alone.
And have nothing can do, all I am doing is crying !!
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Tuesday, July 01, 2014
A letter to my mam
Tired I am tonight, mam.
Holding inside me a pain of whole town.
Living a story that schehrizade didn't tell in thousand night and one night.
Holding inside me a pain of whole town.
Living a story that schehrizade didn't tell in thousand night and one night.
The face I see in the mirror is older tens of years from mine.
In my eyes I see no hope, no light, no sunshine.
In my eyes I see no hope, no light, no sunshine.
Even my heartbeat seems to annoy me.
I don't know me mam!
My thoughts are crisd cross,
My plans are no plans.
The minutes are passing as weeks.
Even the seconds don't pass, mam!
I was lost in iraq ! So I flee out.
Now I am lost in Jordan ,mam!
I don't know me mam!
My thoughts are crisd cross,
My plans are no plans.
The minutes are passing as weeks.
Even the seconds don't pass, mam!
I was lost in iraq ! So I flee out.
Now I am lost in Jordan ,mam!
And if you want to hear a joke. I just knew that I am expecting a baby. . so I am going to be a mother, mam!
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Friday, June 20, 2014
لن ابيع العمر
Like a blind, i am walking in a road with no ends, no directions, and no stop stations.
I am writing with tears falling down like winter's rain. I am crying and yes I am wailing at my Mosul, my mother town funeral .
Mosul fall down in the hand of ISIS 11 days ago. I fled Mosul to the north of Iraq " Kurdistan". yes, I have a heart that I must save but I left my Soule and prayers at home. Moslawi peoples are passing through the most difficult times they have ever lived. essential life utilities are almost absent. The danger are surrounded us in every directions and everywhere in Iraq. and in order to be in peace; i have to fled as far as possible.
Since war took place in 2003 Iraqi's people didn't live any mean of peace, we continued laughing at ourselves that a better tomorrow will come, and that things will never stayed the way it is.
after 11 years, we woke up at the sound of plash of our died minds in the bottom of blood sea.
Our government and members of parliament were busy in stolling Iraqis' people money; Busy in telling their lies and fighting each other. and loving each other's power !
Our the country is at emergency;
parliament simply leave the country and ask America for a help ! !!!
soldiers leave the war yard and ask the citizens for help ! is this a joke ? a play? a story they tell us before we go to sleep.
I will not go to sleep, and If I will do so I'll better never wake up!
For all those who keep telling me " you are strong" :
No friends, I am weak.
For my sister who keeps telling me " this too shall pass"
This time, it will not pass .
This time I am quit, I have my enough. This time the dead is so close, and for those who choose to live; they have to leave.
I am writing with tears falling down like winter's rain. I am crying and yes I am wailing at my Mosul, my mother town funeral .
Mosul fall down in the hand of ISIS 11 days ago. I fled Mosul to the north of Iraq " Kurdistan". yes, I have a heart that I must save but I left my Soule and prayers at home. Moslawi peoples are passing through the most difficult times they have ever lived. essential life utilities are almost absent. The danger are surrounded us in every directions and everywhere in Iraq. and in order to be in peace; i have to fled as far as possible.
Since war took place in 2003 Iraqi's people didn't live any mean of peace, we continued laughing at ourselves that a better tomorrow will come, and that things will never stayed the way it is.
after 11 years, we woke up at the sound of plash of our died minds in the bottom of blood sea.
Our government and members of parliament were busy in stolling Iraqis' people money; Busy in telling their lies and fighting each other. and loving each other's power !
Our the country is at emergency;
parliament simply leave the country and ask America for a help ! !!!
soldiers leave the war yard and ask the citizens for help ! is this a joke ? a play? a story they tell us before we go to sleep.
I will not go to sleep, and If I will do so I'll better never wake up!
For all those who keep telling me " you are strong" :
No friends, I am weak.
For my sister who keeps telling me " this too shall pass"
This time, it will not pass .
This time I am quit, I have my enough. This time the dead is so close, and for those who choose to live; they have to leave.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I am back :)
Why isnt everybody living the life of their dreams?
after 9 years of blogging, i am now abig big girl, i get married and i have a job in one of the most awful places" hospital" where i play the role of pharmacist and spend the time with sick iraqies, what a bless!
No, really...it's not that bad. I take used to the smell of pain and the dull sick faces and the sound of crying that fill the hospital with mess.
I take used, that i am no more the iraqigirl hadia...i am the iraqiwoman hadia, i am a housekeeper and a wife!
I am a married woman!
And when a girl get marrie in our sosciety everything is gona change,
her house,
Her family,
Her dreams,
Her thoughts,
Her friends,
Her duties and her responsabilities.
Her personality,
And
Her hoppies,
Everything even herself!
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
after 9 years of blogging, i am now abig big girl, i get married and i have a job in one of the most awful places" hospital" where i play the role of pharmacist and spend the time with sick iraqies, what a bless!
No, really...it's not that bad. I take used to the smell of pain and the dull sick faces and the sound of crying that fill the hospital with mess.
I take used, that i am no more the iraqigirl hadia...i am the iraqiwoman hadia, i am a housekeeper and a wife!
I am a married woman!
And when a girl get marrie in our sosciety everything is gona change,
her house,
Her family,
Her dreams,
Her thoughts,
Her friends,
Her duties and her responsabilities.
Her personality,
And
Her hoppies,
Everything even herself!
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
posted from Bloggeroid
Friday, October 19, 2012
soon.... in 22 of october
Next Monday is my wedding !!!
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Sunday, December 04, 2011
This website was never mere a blog to me !
May I say that I miss blogging, I miss being Hadia behind the keyboard, writing on her ideas, fears and thoughts... I miss having the courage to admit my poorness ! and having the faith that I can solve it all .
This life steal years from us, I grow up so fast and yes it seems that my adult's problems and stress are bigger * I confess dear childhood*.
Recently, I feel that maybe what I see is not what is going on, Everything seems fake and everyone look different.The college look different, My friends look different, I look different myself " I loose 2 kilos :) "
NO,SERIOUSLY: our yard battle "our life" seems different !
previously in my posts history I wrote a phrase that was written in the cover of my book
" I feel that I have been sleeping all my life and I have woken up and opened my eyes to the words. A beautiful world but impossible to live in "
These are the words of fifteen years old Hadiya
But the words of twenty two years old Hadiya :
" I feel that I have been dupe in my life, and I have woken up and opened my eyes to see the truth and my mind choose to close and will still choose to close as much as this worlds is not a the beautiful world and as much as I want to make it possible to be lived in !"
I need a whole new blog site to write all what I am feeling and living through.
I don't know, but I feel that this life is giving me lessons lately, too much home works and hard exams I may not be able to pass !
I also don't know why I am not able to speak clearly, and why I hide the story beyond this phrases and why knowing that my fiance or someone I know may read this words make me unable to write!
Frankly speaking,I loose my writing habit after my engagement. Obviously this prince stole more that my heart !!! :) BUT,May I ask : why he is not writing?
I miss writing, I miss it soooo much, but I miss my fiance too :(
why I change the subject ? I always change the subject, I can't focus! more than ten ideas visit my head every minute *And you still ask why I have a traffic jam ??
right now I feel that:
I need to write!
I shall and I must and I will probably well ... this website was never mere a blog to me !
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
helllo faithful reader !!
I am not a perfect person, and yes I don't have the perfect life but as I have my family next beside me and my fiancé near by, I am grateful and feeling happy and really think that this is the perfect life !
Alhamdulillah
فالحمد لله موصولا كما وجبا ....
فهو برداءة العزة أحتجبا
الباطن الظاهر الحق الذي عجزت ...
عنه المدارك لما أمعنت طلبا
I passed the 4th stage in collage with high marks and I only have one year left to be a pharmacist :)
Alhamdulillah
We traveled to turkey before a month and we spent a very pleasant time there for 14 days…. And now we are in this beautiful month of the year " Ramadan" and I am busy in doing nothing ! " another excuse of not writing, ha?"
Right now, I feel that I lost my writing ability !! probably due to not posting for looong time, which make me feel that I am not doing my best and so I am not satisfied about myself lately especially when I compare myself to the last few years!!
OK, I needed a rest and I am in holiday and I deserve this (maybe !!)
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Friday, April 22, 2011
-->
Things not only goes unexpectedly but unrealistically as well
Toxicology is the subject that I hate most in this course of my studying and I had Toxicology exam yesterday which mean that yesterday was bloody and drastic day in my mental life, In the other hand: I did feel that I must do it with pleasure that if i want to live with peace the day after since I will be done from it..
Unfortunately, at 6:45 AM my friend waked me from my nightmare to another nightmare when she said that “there is a curfew”
There is a curfew = there is no exam today = I have to prepare for this exam once again = more nightmares = more miserable = and more bad thoughts that I can’t no longer handle!!
:((
There was a curfew yesterday, and there is a curfew today and there may be a curfew tomorrow and what else’s??? Do they want us to stop living? Wasn’t the 8 years of NOT living enough for them!!
when will this end! When will this soul have peace?
Readers who are interested:
like my new page on facebook : IraqiGirl Diary
Contact me on : hnk1989@gmail.com
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I am tired of being Iraqi
Sometimes, everything goes as a race and you are in the middle of these have to focus on one thing (EXAM!!!)
Am I the only one who think that revolution in Tunisia and Egypt are really more interest than Toxicology!! I am sure I am not.
Yes, I had the interest in watching news!!
Weird to have that feeling after all that years of stop!! You can say that what happened in Egypt revive some feeling inside me. The revolution nationally inspired me and a ray of hope was seen in my eyes…. BUT unfortunately no longer!!!
The revolution in Iraq which took place on Friday killed all the laughter, and the hope faint away so far!!
May I not watch news anymore, please!!!
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